Don’t Stop

There’s a young mom who is going through extreme postpartum depression. And her husband hasn’t exactly been helpful all the time. I went through it and know exactly what she’s feeling. In fact, much of what she’s feeling is exactly what I felt.

I was committed to being a homeschool mom, but those two babies (My first two) were so hard on me that I fantasized admit putting them in a crèche I used to walk past when trying to stop them crying. Those babies could cry! My son was so bad that a man who wasn’t even living in our house asked if he was sick. With our daughter, we lived in a two storey flat. (Apartment) We were living downstairs and our upstairs neighbors would comment on how nad they felt for us without daughter’s crying. Imagine the guilt I felt knowing she was keeping others awake!

Church people tried to invite us over for lunch after church, especially when my husband was out of town, and quickly, my baby boy was known as the one who cries a lot. In vain, people took him from my arms but nope, only a few times did he calm down.

My husband used to travel a lot, and for a long time. Once, gone for six weeks. It was hectic. BUT I had some support. I would spend one night a month with some female friends who shared a flat and were still single. I could relax for one day a month and I will never forget how it felt to feel normal for once.

There was also a church lady who was a bit older than we were who phoned me almost every afternoon. Those phone calls reminded me that I mattered.

The desperation and fatigue I felt can’t be described. I felt like such a useless mom. I even asked God why He’d given me a baby if He knew I was going to be a pathetic mom. We’d gone through fertility treatment and throughout, my plea had been to God, “Ok. If you don’t want me to fall pregnant, tell me! Then I’ll only adopt and forget about feeling those kicks in my belly! Now I’m trying and praying and hoping and I don’t know how long You want me to keep going for. Some had to wait fifteen years. Just tell me so I know! I want it, but if it’s not Your will then say so so I stop wishing and crying…”

We stopped fertility treatment. (Did I mention we weren’t in our own country at this point?) Then one day, still in that country in the east of the continent, we visited a friend we used to sing with in our university days. He was married and had a baby boy at this point. As little children did the Sabbath school, the tears just started. I didn’t know if I’d ever hear the sweet voices of little children singing in my home. We didn’t know how long we’d be in that country, and we didn’t know if foreigners could adopt. I stumbled out the church, my heart breaking.

The wife followed me out, asking what was wrong. When I told her our fertility woes, she understood. It had ‘only’ taken them nine months to conceive, but those nine months had been torture for her. For her to know we’d been waiting for over a year was unimaginable. So she took me to a herbalist aunt in law of hers who had given her some herbs to help.

Just a month later, we were expecting. After all those failed meds, one month of herbs had done it. God had allowed us to fall pregnant!

So for Him to then ‘betray’ me by making it difficult to be a mother was a slap in the face.🤣Hey, I’m just reporting what I felt! This young mom I am talking about who is currently depressed was saying to me how she almost regrets having begged for a baby. They truly were desperate to conceive. And had suffered a loss at quite a later stage before it took over a year to conceive again. She truly has begged for a baby. Little knowing how challenging it would be…

Unlike her, I had those friends to host me once a month. I had that older church lady to check on me. I guess it’s my turn to be the older lady and check on HER.

So my plea is, if you’re helping a young mom, don’t stop. If you’re checking on her and she sounds like she’s struggling, keep checking. That mom needs you more than she might admit. (I never told the church lady how desperate I was.) You might be her only ray of light. Keep shining!