Yesterday, my lawyer asked me what my “condition” is so that he can motivate with High Court to make my case first so I don’t have to wait around in pain for too long.
Now, never did I even consider this, so I hadn’t asked him to. But in the process of filing, discussing why I won’t ever be able to get a job, how part of the abuse is that he refused to pay school fees but gave floozy more than enough money for TWO children’s private school fees per month, he’s come to realise and recognise that I am not well.
And is trying to do something to ameliorate any suffering I may feel.
Without my having mentioned it nor asked.
This is the kind of stuff that makes me happy I’m leaving. If strangers can think of me with pity, how dare he not? How dare he not only not care, but purposely make my life harder? Kindness always undoes me.
It’s like my friend who worried that I was losing weight because the children don’t give me a break so I can eat.
She thought about my situation and worried for me. Without my complaining or saying anything. A friend cares more about me than the one who vowed he’d make me happy. If this is happiness, I sure don’t want his misery!
I’m nervous. Funny to end a marriage on my own when I began it with him and a whole LOT of witnesses. I don’t know when it will be. But on that day, even before the actual divorce decree is handed to me, as soon as the judge is satisfied with my answers, I will no longer be married.
This single married mother will become a single mother. No baggage to make life more painful. No trying to avoid being naked in his presence. He forfeited the right when he created a family with the harlot. I can be free now.
But for now, we wait to see how far the Family Advocate is. From their office, the parenting and maintenance plans go to Court. No idea how long the wait for an actual court date will be. But no matter how nervous I am about explaining to the judge WHY I’m divorcing, I can’t wait.
Our founder taught that we don’t need wedding bands, but if it’s the rule in your country, then by all means, there’s nothing wrong with a simple wedding band.
I felt I was justified in wanting my future husband and I to wear plain bands. Mine was so narrow, that people would ask WHY it’s so tiny. Then I’d tell them I wear it for the meaning, not for the looks. I chose both our bands.
He only wore his for a short time then pretended that he believed that it was decorative and wrong.
Now I know the real reason he stopped wearing his wedding band. Though at the end of the day, two known to me women he pursued both knew he was married. One, because he once invited her and her then fiancé to our home, and the other because she too was married with children and so he had nothing to hide.
You can’t convince me otherwise. When his mouth moves, he’s lying.
I lost my wedding band and bought a new one.
When I stopped loving him just before I found out about his adultery that began in 2022 again, I stopped wearing it. I knew he wasn’t a husband. So who was I married to? Myself. There’s no symbol for being a single married mom.
I found his band on which I’d had the heeled inscribe, “I love you” and put it on top of the few things he left here when he moved out.
He didn’t comment. But I hope if narcissists can ever have a bit of a confidence, that it bothered him.
I was always more committed to the marriage than he ever was.
How lovely to know I did everything I could to ignore the destroyer in my house.
My poor girl is growing still. NOT good. How long will her body fight before moving from its current pre diabetic state to diabetic? I noticed she was still getting puffier so I asked if we could weigh her. Within two weeks she’s gone from 67kg to 70.5kg (71 a day ago). She wakes at midnight, or 1am, she once made so much noise rustling around in the fridge at 3am that it woke me.
This is last night’s snack. As the doctor said, “Imagine how bad things would be if she was eating UNHEALTHY food!”
Next week, I’ll be emailing both doctors. Just so they know we sure aren’t MAINTAINING weight but also she’s getting taller too and growing which obviously makes you gain weight. But how much is NORMAL!?
This is worrying. I’ve seen diabetes. All those body positivity people should show us their blood test results and fitness reports.
My girl has stretch marks where I never knew they can grow. Serrated dark marks on her arm, around it as if wearing a thick black bracelet on her upper arm. I used to see little children who were extremely obese and used to wonder what disease they had.
I don’t know what my girl has. Surely half an Abilify of the smallest dose shouldn’t be this bad with causing hunger!? Can it be?
I chose to marry. I chose to marry a broken person who pretended he was allowing God to mould him into His character. I did that willingly, naively. I assumed people meant what they said. Especially in the church and on the pulpit! Little did I know that the Pharisees weren’t only in the New Testament. What did Jesus say about them? He told the crowd to do what they say and not what they do, because they don’t obey God.
My children didn’t choose their parents, contrary to what an in law believes. (I really need to stop talking to people as if they have sense when they’ve already shown they’re in cloud cuckoo land! I mean, this is the same in law who once said said her spiritual guide spoke to Zelensky and averted the war. Did the guide die? Given there’s been war now for a while?) I made the mistaken of telling her how I regret the father I created a family with because the children had no choice. She claims they were conscious souls who were able to reason and then became babies for the sake of it. No conscious soul would choose abusive parents.
I feel guilty. On Monday, it was a public holiday. As our ten year spotted his father, he said in a disappointed tone, “I forgot it’s holiday so dad’s still here.”
Ouch.
This evening, Amarissa told her little sister that their father won’t have moved out on Sabbath. My little girl’s shoulders slumped, “Oh man…” My heart broke all over again. I asked why she’s sad he won’t be gone yet. She said he’s too cruel and mean and rude. 💔😭 She put on a stern voice, pointed her finger and copied his cold, “Neilo, come on. Hurry up.”
She was super happy here because she’d created an “algorithm” that directed me with a series of arrows, where to find an eraser she’d hidden. She loves Computing
What soul would choose to be fathered by someone so disappointing and depressing?
I told the children their father will be away this night as he’s off to the city his floozy is in. The reply was swift from my dear 11 year old girl, “Good!” Made her eldest brother laugh!
I made this mess for my children. All I can do is try undo it as best I can. And pray God protects the children during visitation.
Guys, my chest is wrong. At night, it crackles. I couldn’t walk for exercise on the walking pad for very long. My lungs felt sore. And two hours later, I feel like I have holes in my lungs but at the same time, they feel constricted. I feel shaky like I used a nebuliser with steroids. I’m also very sleepy. Is my iron ok? I don’t know. I just know I’m not great and I am hoping the infection didn’t reduce my lung function even more.
Time will tell.
I can’t ever get enough of our non speaker when she speaks!
I’m counting down till the children’s father moves to his own place. It’s just a few more days. Before the actual divorce decree will be out. I can’t wait. I’ll be able to sleep till my body, or a twin, wakes me up. No more 4:30am wake up when I’ve only slept at midnight thanks to a twin.
I’ll be able to move around without feeling guilty for living while he’s taking a Sunday afternoon nap.
I’ll be able to exercise at night without feeling guilty about his need to sleep at exactly 8pm.
I’ll be living only with people who love me. And I can’t express how that aspect makes me feel. It is extremely exhausting being civil to someone you want to stone to death. It’s very hard being ok when you’re living with someone who hates you. And as a Christian, I am ashamed of him. I agree fully with what the husband of his harlot said when he said he’s a hypocrite.
I, who always taught not to be unequally yoked, have been unequally yoked for far too long.
I want to be loved. But wow, if my younger single friend can’t find a good man, there’s no way an older special needs mother ever will. And that’s ok, kind of. I just know that I’d flourish if I could be loved the way I gave love. It sure would be medicine for my bones!
But, I’ve been unloved and celibate for over year.. what’s another decade or three? And no, Mr Uber Driver, I have NOT bought any toys to make up for the loss of human intimacy.🫣
I had a driver with absolutely no boundaries. He came here after working in Gauteng. Taxi drivers there are violent because they see Uber and Bolt etc as competition and wrong. They attack and beat. This Uber Driver who asked about toys has even hugged a female passenger who’d requested a ride, pretending she’s his wife so that the taxi drivers who were accusing him of being a driver would not assault him. She too played along because she too didn’t want to be attacked for using ‘the competition.’ Thankfully, he knew her name from the app so he acted convincingly. But a different time, they started demanding that he fondle her if she’s really his wife. He told them it’s private stuff that goes against his culture to do publicly but he was willing to…
The passenger was traumatised! “You were REALLY going to fondle me!!?”🙈
I could never.
Life is crazy. I thought I’d have a healthy sex life till the day I drop dead. My ex best friend once walked into her grandparents’ bedroom and they were active-age 88 and 90. It shocked her. Like they did it on purpose to make her blush.😂 She was telling me how it’s disgusting at their age, they should have some decorum. 😅
Long may happy marriages continue. As for me, I’m jaded. A cousin in law who has been living separately and will very likely divorce her husband, said she had a nice afternoon because there was a wedding.
For me, that’s just signing up for heartache-be it the woman or the man. I had a friend who cheated on her husband, so I don’t trust any gender anymore. Women can be just as cruel as the men I know. I feel fear for the couple’s future when I hear of a wedding and have since 2016. I can’t rejoice. I’m glad she isn’t jaded. And this is with no relative of hers being a good faithful spouse either.
I exercised DURING THE DAY TODAY! Usually, I have to wait till my girl is asleep, which can be midnight or ten pm like last night. I can’t relax and exercise when I know she might come in and pull me, so I have to be sure she’s dead asleep. And by then, AS pain is at its worst. So to do my shoulders and back during the day, uninterrupted, was amazing for me! The children went for a super long drive that allowed me to record their nature lesson and exercise! Woohoo!
It’s the little things.
Another little thing is my new laminator! My other one served me faithfully for 14 years. And it had been cheap! R329.00. But, it was getting tired, crumpling up my work. So I had to put it out to pasture and replace it. I upgraded. This one has a blade for me to cut with! So much faster!
Every little thing that makes my teaching life easier, is a privilege.
I’m in pain. From feet to shoulders. It’s been a bad day today. I also think changing diapers wasn’t a good thing to do! I couldn’t even study in the morning because of the pain. And no matter how many tablets I took, it didn’t make a dent in the pain throughout the day. Do you know how long it had been since I had foot pain!? Ugh! It’s like someone drilled into my heels and is hammering the drill bit into my bones.
In the meantime, I’ll be thankful for one last little thing. The excitement my six year old feels when it’s Computing class. She can go on and on! I know it’s because she enjoys entering code into a robot and watching it follow her commands more than just the learning, but it’s cool! She never gets tired of programming that little thing.
Also, her excitement when she finds something that alludes to God. It’s like I’ve not been telling her for three years now that we’re using Christian curricula! “It’s talking about God! Does that means it’s Christian!??”’with a big smile on her little face. I don’t know why, but it’s refusing to upload my little video. The conversations are so random. Today, I found out she thought Jesus was God’s friend. Now, bear in mind, I’ve explained God to them. And I’ve told them Jesus is God the Son. But the brain is mushy so the information hasn’t stuck.
I love how I told her it’s like her and me. I asked if we are friends and she said yes.🫣😅And then I told her she’s my child. So Jesus is like God’s child and they are one family that loves each other. Sorry if that isn’t how you’d put it. I have a neurodivergent angel whose memory retention skills are poor. Just run with it!
The means to afford everything I need for the children’s education? A big thing I’m thankful for.🙏🏾
And one last thing? My girl interrupted my first meal of the day 19:05 because she wanted the lamp. She wants it on but it can only be on when plugged in. She wants to walk around with it. I hate autism and intellectual disability. Will she ever stop wanting the impossible and insisting on it? Will she ever be able to understand and reason when we explain why what she wants can’t be done?
I don’t know.
And that’s a big thing because it disturbs school time, rest time or meal time and she herself is unhappy.
Just a small glimpse of this morning’s autism moments. It started in the morning. Now, let’s go back. I’m on steroids, must use my inhaler four times a day till I’m healed, instead of the normal four, pain meds, antibiotics and glycerin to coat my mouth sores. And I am not being very compliant. Not by choice.
In the morning, this strong one refused for her biggest brother to dress her. She came and got into my bed soaking wet with urine. At first, she wouldn’t even let me change her. I hadn’t taken my pain meds for the AS that is now running free through my body while we wait for me to recover so I can use it. Oh yes, the tongue!? It’s high inflammation in my mouth. Yuck.
So I’m moving and hiding pain. Bending is bad under normal circumstances, and diaper changing should not be performed by me at all. But what else could I do? I broke my lungs and bones even more after she eventually allowed me to change and dress her. She’s still got a blocked nose so that’s not been helping her feel ok. I couldn’t even finish dressing her. I ran out of breath before I could do her upper half, so I let her stay in bed and covered her up and turned the heater on while I contemplated my misery.
I ate breakfast at around 12:30. I took my prednisone after that. Of course I’m wide awake at midnight! It was too late!😫But more importantly, being mother and teacher means you forget yourself. Yesterday, I only used my asthma pump once. The night was sleepless with wheezing and coughing and breathlessness.
My poor friend had a panic attack when she didn’t hear from me yet her messages were open on my side so they seemed to be read but not replied to. It made her worry big time. 🥹I was having a panic attack of my own. A stress attack! I was so helpless and sad! While unbeknownst to me, she’s reaching out to me, I was crying out and wishing I could Philip (when he appeared and disappeared from the eunuch) her from her job and make her appear here to help me. My girl just wouldn’t let me lie down and help me try ignore the AS pain! She was out of sorts and so was looking for nothing in particular. Pulling me here and there but not knowing what she wanted. I tried to break free as the pain was bad and I was so tired. Just a few minutes before that, my leg had given way in the kitchen and Micaiah had offered to be my human walking frame. I was in agony. Lungs, bones, bad sleep thanks to a very loud ship horn that had been going at around midnight for four hours since Saturday night. And just malaise from being sick.
Plus a large dose of penicillin induced diarrhea.😫
I was (am) unwell but couldn’t get a rest. Demoralised. The only centre that takes kiddies with her intellectual level isn’t for autistic children. I have nowhere, no options. The sense of helplessness and sadness was so overwhelming that I threw a box into the wardrobe and screamed in frustration, bringing my poor boy running to ask what’s wrong.
I don’t lose it like that. I can’t cope. I cannot cope. I didn’t use my asthma pump four times today and it’s almost midnight.
If I lived alone, or if there was a special school for non potty trained autistics she could attend, I might have had four doses today. I’ll try tomorrow. My life depends on it. As do the very children who cause me to scream, depend on ME too.
I truly believe my friend sensed my internal screams wishing she was here to save me. Help. Please help, Lord. I cannot do this. Find me a centre. A good one. I’m even willing to send our aide with her. We just need to find one. Pray I do.🙏🏾😭
The one positive? Remember how I mentioned that people of both genders took care of women who were disabled and in adult diapers, caring for them with their sanitary towels and all? Our facilitator aide is a daddy of two girls. In the late afternoon, he helped change my girl for me. Boy was I thankful. I have help while we wait for someone to replace Vi. The pickings have been slim. That’s a story for another post!
I just hadn’t put the two together, so I wouldn’t have reported them together if I’d gone sooner. Amarissa was wondering why, unlike them, my flu symptoms are worse, and why my painful throat is not easing at all. It began Sunday and just never stopped. Talking, swallowing hurt. At night, the pain wakes me. But I put it down to the severe cough.
But there’s my tongue. I felt pain. I figured I had sores and tried to treat them. Rinvoq has done such a stellar job getting rid of my rogue immune system that now I finally got sick, I’m paying the price. Also, I am also nursing the children. So the thick furry feeling along with the pain that increases when I try eat, and when I have to talk (Do you know how much talking five children require!??) didn’t even register. I just knew I needed to get ahead of the wheezing and crackling chest that’s joining the fray so I made an appointment with a GP for tomorrow morning.
Till tonight.
I looked in the mirror and saw white taking over much of my tongue except for two small patches of normalcy that look as if my tongue was SCRAPED away there (according to my eldest) because of how full of inflammation the rest of my tongue is.
And my friend’s question, “What took you so long to go to the doctor?” was now more than right. Google says if you have chest pain – I do, if you have trouble breathing – I do, if you have thrush and the flu -I do, if your throat is sore and you have thrush-I do, get urgent care.
I won’t.
Is my throat sore from a whole lot of inflammation as seen on the tongue? Or from the virus? Or is it now have a bacterial infection and I need antibiotics?
How long will it take to heal? Is there anything at all they can give me to reduce the throat pain? OTC lozenges and sprays make no difference at all. The lozenges just hurt my sore tongue.
Did you know Sjögren’s increases your risk of oral thrush? I didn’t till now. Is it thrush? What is it?
All I know is that I have one friend unimpressed that I didn’t see the doctor faster..
Please let me find quick treatments tomorrow. I need more sleep if my twins will allow me. I loved how Twin A said she’s sure I slept well because she didn’t come wake me last night.
What she doesn’t know is that I’ve been awake since 2:30am anyway, thanks to her TWIN and then my painful throat! But it’s cute that she realises her wakefulness and coming to seek me have an impact on me and notices or assumes I got more rest when she’s had more rest. Very sweet.
Thank you, my two sisters, for worrying even when you don’t see me daily. You and Amarissa make me feel cared about. I have an adult man who comes in and out my bedroom, who is an emergency contact, but has no idea how sick I am because he couldn’t care less. If I keeled over and died, he’d not even be able to tell the pathologists that each cough hammers my head with terrible pain and I can’t swallow and the saliva is thick and choking me, my entire mouth feels like it’s been cut and each bite feels like salt digging into wounds in my tongue and gums so I’m not finishing my food and and and…
I nagged eldest and he will go in a few hours after me.
Shabbat shalom. Continued good health to those who have it.
I have a dear friend nearby who keeps reminding me I am welcome to go rest at their flat. Who asked this week what she can do to help.
But I don’t even know. The children don’t know her, she’s also sick and broken and can’t get down with them to play. But also, I can’t go away. I had planned to when my eldest had been around, but then our fecal impaction patient was headed in that direction again so I had to be around to medicate. And honestly, I feel bad that their father already puts so much on the eldest two. The number of times I’ve said, “But the twins are not THEIR children, YOU are the parent!” can’t be counted. So I don’t want to add to their parentification despite my daughter insisting I go rest.
This week is probably one of the worst because I’m fighting at the same time the children are fighting. The AS flare from hell is still here. My stress levels are also through the roof. And that’s not because of the usual mayhem and chaos, but also extra sickness. And that’s the other reason it’s good that I didn’t go and rest this weekend.
Poor Ammy slept the entire weekend and didn’t eat. Now as you know, given her girth that has sent me to another doctor’s appointment for her this week, not eating, sleeping, are two red flags. ADHD people can’t sleep all day unless they are very unwell. She had a headache from hell. Sunday, I overheard her asking her brother to turn the light off and I got the hint. Migraine. Could this poor child also be fighting migraines on top of the challenges her brain is bringing her??? No!!
But, after I emailed the doctor her symptoms, the LACK of a fever, the malaise and desire for darkness, how long it lasted and how headache pills didn’t help at all, his opinion? Migraines.
I’ve never had them. But I know how cruel they are. Someone who has rhem described AS as a migraine of the body. How does a little girl deal with that?? I had pain day and night since I was three years old, but my mind was only fighting parental negativity, not fighting itself like hers is. And above was the paediatrician’s response. Migraines it seems to be indeed. Poor girl!
I hate seeing my children suffer. Watching them suffering consumes the pieces that aren’t busy dealing with a six year old demanding rice crackers at 5am like my one twin did after she had wet the bed and I had to go change the bedding and her pyjamas.
She too was already sad about her sister yesterday. How will she handle another day today? Not because of a migraine, but she seems to have caught a weird flu or cold from Twin B who also has it. Mostly blocked nose and crankiness, fatigue and a side of irritated
And so, again during the week I couldn’t go rest at Elaine’s place. Who would medicate the angels? Who would be watching over Ammy, ensuring she remains hydrated, and keeping track of how often Miss We Do Not Want to Return to Hospital is pooping?
The same one who had to do it over the weekend. And so, she asked what she can do to help me. And I had no idea what to say.
It’s like it all rests on me. Reminds me of the psychologist assessing the children asking me what would happen to them if I died. Elaine’s question has no good answer, because the one thing I CAN ask of her, she can’t do because she’s also broken. Just to be with the children during the weekend so I can rest a bit in between the meds and the planning. I need that. But she can’t give it.
And I think that’s how so many of us end up isolated and so alone even with special needs resources like the West has. And that is why that Australian couple with two autistic sons ended up killing the children, themselves, and the dogs. People asked why they couldn’t “at least” spare the dogs.
Because the dogs would miss them.
I hate and fear dogs but I’ve seen the way they mourn their owners. I’ve read of them traveling miles (it’s always overseas so that’s why I use miles) to go back to an owner that had given them to a new owner. Why would they make the dogs suffer pain? It was an act of mercy. And this is two parents dealing with the strain. I’m just one. I get them, even about the dogs.
Crazy that an anti suicide Christian gets what non Christians don’t.
And thus, we circle back to mental health. I had to go to Ammy’s post test result review with the doctor who will be in charge of her birth control and seeing what works for her PMDD. See? How can I sleep when I have to sit and hurt my back and pelvis waiting, then seeing a doctor? My dad used to say to me “Refilwe-Rose, you see!? No rest for the wicked!” when he’d want to be working in the garden, then bake, but instead an unplanned visitor appears and disturbs his plans.😆😅 That’s how I feel. No rest for the wicked. Do something productive while other productive things wait, but there’s someone (or five ) needing entertaining right then.
I’m typing while medicating my blocked nose girls (Ammy and Twin B) for their sicknesses and answering calls about her migraine medication. First one was because they only have the generic, second to ask if I’m “ok” with the co payment I’ll have to pay.
I’ve been paying copayments since February. I have no choice. I’ve paid R3500 this week and now R59 today. At this point, I think of the pharmacist who said she feels sad that I will never have money to treat myself because it’s all going to medication. Who needs rest, relaxation and rejuvenation!?
And I need help. And this is where Vi comes in. As she so sagely said, “Mummy, you need someone who doesn’t have children. Then they will be focused on working. You need help every day.” (The facilitator had been gone for two days because his baby had a skin infection. My children asked why the mommy can’t take care of the baby and why he has to be gone for two full days yet he’s also going on leave the entire following week. I had no answer. Some people are born to be parents more than employees. But autistic children need as much routine as possible.)
But, every one who came close to being a good helper has children. And our current in probation young lady knows how far from ‘close to being good’ she is at the moment. Another strain. It doesn’t help that I’ve had two great employees so I know what’s possible. Contrary to the Zimbabwean who said I expect too much when I asked why she’d walk past a table made dirty by children’s 12 o’clock meal, to leave at 16:30 when our formal agreement upon finish time is 17:00🤯
Siyagezeleka thina oomama abantsundu. They’d never act the same with white bosses, and that’s a cry many Black bosses have made about domestic workers.
Anyway! If Vi was here, she’d tell me to ignore the crazy happy noisy twin B who is up till midnight. The night from hell was made less hellish because of her. The night that happened after the father had refused to take Twin B to hospital. During the day after the refusal, she’d seemed to be better. But two nights later, he in Japan on holiday, me having asked Vi to sleep over, she was sick sick sick. Screamed and cried and needed to sit on me but only on a chair. She wouldn’t let me lie down with her. My back and pelvic bones were so bad I asked the children to wake Vi up.
She did.
And not only did she sit with her for a while to give my body a break for 30 minutes, she acted like I was nuts to want to take Twin B back after I kinda recovered. She said she’d sleep with her, seated if need be. And told me to sleep.😭😭😭I couldn’t. So I got her an extra blanket which I know she didn’t want me to be doing.
Eventually we all slept. She refused to rest during the day and not clean. What kind of employee wants to work all the time? Being her back!! 😅And then Friday saw the hospital trip from hell when I ended up phoning their facilitator to come help me.
And that’s the other thing. When I do ask for help, like asking the father to take his daughter to hospital, I don’t get the help.
Just like when I learnt at age five not to bother my parents when the (now we know it’s AS) pain would hit both my legs from knees down, and I’d be in so much agony I couldn’t even breathe. It’s so upside down, this world.
The doctor who is meant to be treating Ammy’s PMDD has no idea. She only knows that Ammy on her own, is too much for me. And knowing what the other children’s conditions are and that I have AS,, she told me I’m “faking it very well” but there is no way my nerves and nervous system are not raw from the stress and strain.
We agreed on a plan for me. I’ll see her for mental health help. Not therapy. But medication. Something to put a cover over the raw nerves so that they aren’t tortured as much as they currently are by each assault. (Her words)
Good plan.
It was breakfast time just a few hours ago. Helper had put the chairs on the table. I was about to bring one down but the children’s facilitator stopped me, saying he would do it.
Readers, my stupid eyes (not I!🫣) wanted to cry. Do you know how embarrassing that would have been? But it shows how barren my life has been. You saw the videos where the father is playing on his phone while I’m taking heavy garbage out to the bin outside. You’ve seen how I’m the only doctor and nurse and therapist. You’ve seen how I asked him to learn the children’s vision work so it’s not just me doing the exercises each day but he refused.
It honestly came as a shock that someone would notice I was bringing chairs down, and stop me.
She had better bring all the meds for my nerves. Who cries over someone being helpful with chairs?? Bring the meds…As long as they don’t cause weight gain. I’ve lost a lot of weight through hard work and with AS, I can barely move so I can’t try stay stable by exercising MORE. And I do not want to end up like Amarissa on diabetes meds.🥹
Why is life so complicated, people!? Wouldn’t you just love a year with no chaos and suffering? Just one year out of the decades we’ve lived? I would! What a reset that would be!
They said I should write a book 