Divorce, Doctrine and Disorders

Overwhelmed by court orders too.

Oh reader, Flydah…😅I have had a very difficult week physically and emotionally and psychologically. Yesterday, I ended up having chills all day, and a very runny tummy and it’s still gurgling this morning. My body is staging a revolt.

Let’s start with divorce. You cheat on your longsuffering spouse, you clearly have no morals and no love for her. I knew academically that he is abusive emotionally and sometimes physically to the children. And the past extreme physical abuse meted out to my older children will never be effaced from their psyches. But I didn’t know he hated his children. I know, I’m slow. Live is kind and self sacrificial.

Love provides. I grew up in a culture where even in those small apartheid matchbox houses, adult children of all ages lived with their pensioner parents. I saw the small pension being shared with everyone in the household. If you had no job, at least you never wanted for shelter and food. Even if you had a job, you still could find accommodation with your parents.

The Court Order my attorney wrote up includes the South African law’s same principle. You must provide for your ‘major dependants’ (aka the ones older than 18) until they are employed. He is refusing that, amongst many other very just orders. He wants to stop as soon as they graduate. What kind of ‘Christian’ father is that!? We don’t have a welfare system. There is no first mate if a job. Even his mother took in her adult sons even when they were drunks she had to beat to stop urinating in cupboards when drunk. How could he be worse than she -his role model-is?

I never knew I’d ever have to fight for my children’s rights. But there are aspects I will have to fight for because he refuses to budge. He sent his refusal via email. I responded. He told me he didn’t bother reading everything I typed. He has been telling me that for years. I wasn’t surprised, but I am sad. I’m tired of fighting, guys.

He has done exactly what my rheumatologist feared. He’s making me sicker than ever.

And right now, is not the time for that. I’m still wrestling with my failing eyes. It’s scary suddenly not being able to read the folder names for educational videos I created, large print on the TV. I am terrified and fighting already. Don’t forget AS and the others.

Then I’m fighting with being gas lit. My 11 year old has more than just autism, PDA and ADHD.

She did this in anger this week.

And then had the guts to tell our helper that she must sort it out.

She also went on the rampage yesterday too. And it’s always after she has been found out, always after I catch her doing wrong. Always. Be it calling out a lie, asking her to stop bullying her little sister, or taking the Tablet she’s found a way to get online with.

What is scary is that hours after she had pulled everything out her wardrobe and thrown it around, she couldn’t recall exactly what she’d done. She came in tears accusing Vi of having broken a ceramic gift I’d given her, a letter to My Daughter that she cherishes that was now broken in two. She wept terrible tears of sorrow as she asked me why Vi would do that. I told her she had done it when she violently threw things around and onto the floor. She couldn’t believe it at first. But accepted it.

That is a terrifying rage.

And she’s only 11.

What will she unleash as she gets older? What form will the already bad bullying take? Or will she mature into a kind child? I don’t know. But I believe she is definitely more disordered than people want to believe. What our other paediatricians saw is true. But no psychiatrist gets it. The malice, they trivialize because she tells the truth after the fact. They don’t care that she enjoys recounting the bad things she did, like the shoplifting. There is no red flag in how wonderful the memory is to her. My goodness, one even said to me it’s ok that she doesn’t have a conscience as people can be taught to have one.

There is no autism or ADHD trait of malevolence and lack of conscience. That’s something deeper and ugly. And I’m beating that burden alone. The one who hates his children doesn’t care so I stopped trying to share long ago except for explaining where I’m going if he’s home and I’m taking one to have their blood drawn.

And on that note. R8160.40 is the first for the first genetic testing we will conduct on my son. There’s a deeper set of genetic tests if this one doesn’t show any chromosome issues. Last year, for the second time, his physical features took me to Klinefelter syndrome as the closest possible known genetic syndrome. Some use an apostrophe s ie Klinefelter’s syndrome.

This week, as I discussed his next updated set of educational psych assessments, we discussed that he seems to have reached the limits of his abilities. His writing hasn’t improved since three years ago. And that’s with OT and a handwriting curriculum for children like him and our 11 year old. We then wondered if he hasn’t reached the ceiling cognitively, academically…And that plus his not having entered puberty, made her wonder about Klinefelter. When I told her the small testes the paediatrician had noticed, that supported the guess.

But it’s just a guess. So I won’t even describe what it is. Instead, I’ll find the money and we begin the testing and a long wait for results. I just hope it’s not a rare genetic syndrome that’s never been discovered. But we need to know so we know if we can push him any further, if a teacher should even try. Klinefelter comes with a low IQ. You can’t outrun that. You can’t learn what your brain will never retain.

Worried. He’s already far behind intellectually and with his reasoning, and makes no sense. Has no common sense and can’t be sent on an errand and you can’t even hold a full conversation with him. If this is how life will always be, then I’m in for it. He keeps on and says nonsensical things a LOT and I fear one day I will lose my patience. I already do when he lies and claims he had a dream with constantly changing details and things you can tell he’s making up on the fly as he follows me around to relate the useless dream that was the scariest ever but was about a broken down ambulance.🥹The psychological load from each child’s condition is too heavy and getting heavier, not lighter.

And then we have doctrine. The church my husband attends has no doctrine except a manmade one. According to church rules, my husband was meant to have been excommunicated aka disfellowshipped last year. Instead, they welcome and love the unrepentant elder and preacher. They embrace leading others into adultery and breaking families up and in the process, they answer the question I asked online.

Does the church love my children?

No.

When more children ask me in frustrated angry tones why their father goes to church, what he ‘gets’ from it, what can I say? The more he goes there while continuing to be worse and worse, the more the disdain for the church that worships him grows. And I can understand that.

My worry is that together with the church, they will discard God too. Church doesn’t fix him. He’s comfortable and happy there, so clearly they are encouraging him in his relationship with his mistress. Who would want to attend a church where nobody cares about the cables and bicycle chains your father beat you with nor care about the damage he’s inflicting on you as his children?

What kind of god allows this evil to continue in a place there is meant to be safety and nurturing of the young?

This is where my heart breaks. I’m angry with them. They have no care about God’s reputation to keep you from falling, nor the harm they and their idol have caused me. But when it comes to my children and the irreparable damage they have created, I want to cry. They are meant to represent God. God won’t accept this in heaven. Why are they accepting it on earth?

Shame on them and shame on their idol. I wish the earth would swallow every single spiritual abused on the planet and allow us women to run everything. We won’t like each other, but we won’t abuse each other the way the men have been doing so in our homes.

What an ending to a horrible week. He’s pushing his children away from God. And I am furious.😡