Building You

I’ve been battered and torn down. I will never do that to you. I will not allow myself to be abused ever again. When I was little, I had to live with it. But not now. Now, I check out.

If you’re so busy that you can’t send a one line response to tell me your health has improved (or not) or to tell me things are hectic, I will stop bothering you. If I’m not worth your limited time, if you can tell me two weeks later that you were too busy, then you can live without me for two months, or years. Hey, that way you maximize every precious second. Especially if you’re the one who asked how I am and then disappear only to reappear weeks later because you were too busy. That means you didn’t really mean the question, otherwise you’d care about the response.🤔

If you can forget we were meant to hang out, more than once, then forget I exist. That’s not a true loving relationship and that’s what I deserve. Just like you deserve. (Unless you’re an evil woman who told an abandoned child that they aren’t part of the family. Then you don’t deserve any love.)

I try very hard to build. To build people’s confidence. To be kind. Caring. Gentle. I know how we all have burdens and problems. (Except for the one friend who said God obviously thinks she’s weak because her life is easy.) I want to try lift yours, not add to it. And so, I will try to be what I want you to be to me.

And sometimes, it’s out of self-preservation, despite how angry I might sound above. (As I type this, I think of a friend who is also like this. Too busy till weeks later. I love her so much. But the checking in but not reading my response is hard. What I write is not even true sometimes by the time she replies. Whatever child might have needed the doctor might be ok. Whatever happened to my parents has become worse, or is not even on my mind anymore. To be told, “Sorey. I had a,b,c to do” doesn’t cut it. I too have a lot to do. And she knows it. She’s one of those who always comments on how hard my life is compared to hers as she “only” has to be present for two children. Children whose education she’s not overseeing and who don’t have challenges. If I can carve out a minute or two a week, why can’t she? One minute or two out of 7 days. That’s all I ask. Thirty seconds to ask how I am, or how a psych assessed went, 30 seconds to read my response and maybe another 50 seconds within the next 24 hours to respond to MY response. THEN forget about me till a more convenient time. That’s all I ask. Don’t ask me a caring question then check the response a week or more later. There’s almost no point in my responding.)

Ok. Back to my point. I have seen how cruel humans can be. How unkind family can be. I want to be your soft place to land, but be mine too. Let’s lift each other up.