My girl might not call me. But when I put her to sleep, she gives me these big big hugs and rocks me side to side. She gently pulls my hair and says while looking deep in my eyes, “Mommy hair.” She will repeat when I make shadow puppets on the walk, “Sha-dow.” And she will lean comfortably on me as I put her in bed.
She follows me all day long. If I’m ironing, she’s right there trying to touch the hot iron. When I’m washing dishes, she’s there, her full weight on me as she leans on me and stands on my foot. If I dare close my bedroom door after making sure she’s deeply absorbed in the baby video they’re watching, she comes running and angrily bangs on the door and cries. It’s hard on me.
But that’s love!
Don’t tell me autistics don’t know how to love.
As I shared in my other blog, during the whole “Get my now seven year old son diagnosed” phase, I took him to a therapist. He ignored me (as he always did) as we sat and spoke. She asked me if it hurt that my son didn’t love me.
I told her he did love me. He just wasn’t showing it in the expected manner.
Yeah, I never went back to her. I clearly knew my boy more than she did. And I was right. He is also one who follows me all the time and wants hugs.
And that’s the other thing I want to tell moms. Just because they don’t want hugs or your presence NOW, doesn’t mean it will always be like that. Things can change. I’ve even seen some posts by adult autistics stating how their safe place is giving their lona bulge hug and sticking to her like a baby koala.❤️😭Their sensory profile can change. My children’s did. (Well two of them. My eldest autistic who is 17 years old isn’t a hugger even today. And that’s ok!🙂)
They said I should write a book 