Death and Autism

I think I might have mentioned on here that we suspect my other little one is autistic. She is a speaker, seems to have typical development, has definite low muscle tone but nothing hectic is going on. Nothing that screams, “Get a professional diagnosis NOW!” Ok, I’m unflappable so maybe my definition of having isn’t going to be the same as yours. Given I’ve not been wrong with four of my children, I am very sure I’m not wrong with this fifth one. As the psychiatrist said, “I can tell you knew. You just came for confirmation, didn’t you?”

Last week as I looked at her, my heart felt extremely scared. I had this sudden feeling of impending doom and sorrow about her. It happened when some other typical autistic trait appeared. I tried to talk myself out of it. But I just wished I could protect her. I wished for her sake, that she was neurotypical.

And with such high death rates amongst the neurodivergent population, wouldn’t you also wish you could take away the hard parts? Death with all of us. But it’s higher Monday certain populations.. My heart broken last week. First came a headline about a 16 year old girl in a British boarding school who was found dead. Then they mentioned that she was autistic. Then they mentioned that her autistic trait led to her suicide. Oh, my heart broke!

(According to the report I read,) Vodka and a tattoo kit had been found in her locker. And thus she was told she would have detention. A two hour session in front of the headmistress. She couldn’t handle this. She even asked to be suspended instead. Who would ask for a worse punishment? Only someone truly tormented.

But they didn’t pay attention. As many previously labeled as ‘high functioning’ autistics state, the milder designation or label makes it seem easier or lighter. Yes, it’s easier for us CAREGIVERS, but for the autistic, it’s still not easy. Masking takes a lot of energy, for example. Dealing with sensory overload for those with sensory issues must be hectic and traumatic, day after day. This girl smiled for the camera, (Taking a dig at the lack of smile being a typical trait)was into her lessons and post-school activities, and the next day, she was forever gone.

They made the mistake of treating her as they would any other neurotypical child, ignoring that her perceptions are her reality, and that their perceptions were skewed. They didn’t listen.

She even tried to run away from school. How much more could she have done in sling for help!? She wanted to go to this school, was so excited to be there! She would not have normally run away! Why didn’t they understand why? And find a different form of ‘punishment’ if need be? Her reaction should have shown them she had been punished enough already.

But they didn’t hear her. So, she killed herself. And now her sisters and parents grieve forever.

Here in Africa, we have a different case but also resulting in an autism-related death. See, here, violence seems to be the go to response of too many. Mon justice is normal in some communities. This community knew him. They knew he was different. Also 16 years old, they knew him. He would stop and go and help anyone working in their garden, he loved to break things apart then put them back together again.

They knew he was different. Yet when they caught him holding a tap he had ‘stolen,’ they tortured him as they would and do any normal thief or rapist or killer. They didn’t look at how bad the crime was (not), nor did they pay attention to who he was…A 16 year old autistic boy with a future ahead of him. They beat him, threw water at him, electrocuted him with a car battery. He breathed his last after telling his mom who had done it.

There are many ways in which autism raises the risk of death. Please, please may we never be the cause or trigger. Not if it’s within our power to keep them alive.

PS Please correct me if i used neurodivergent in the wrong content!