I’ve never organised a funeral before. Nobody was there to really guide us, my dad left everything to us and didn’t even ask how we are paying for it all.
When she died, the ambulance came and took her to the hospital morgue. Because she’d died at home, the hospital said she’d have to go to a private morgue. The neighbors suggested Mguda Funeral Services.
Wow, wow, wow. I knew nothing about when death certificates are applied for. Knew nothing about death registers, undertakers…
My mom died on a Thursday. Friday morning, I asked my dad what he wanted us to do regarding the funeral. When should it be? He wanted it ASAP. So did I. The grieving family has to provide ‘snacks’ (scones, muffins and tea or drinks for the people who come and people come every day at different times. It’s hectic! And tiring for my poor 93 year old dad who is frail and felt he had to keep leaving his room to go greet people, go listen to the sermons offered by different congregations , street people, church women.) Where will the services begin? (Started at home where a viewing was done together with a quick sermon, then church and another sermon, then cemetery and another sermon).
What time should the body arrive? My dad wanted it to sleep in the house overnight. Thankfully, he also told me not to forget that I was his and my mom’s firstborn, so whatever I want would happen. I didn’t want her body all night in the house. So we arranged for 8am arrival time.
I took my daughter and middle two to go view the body on Saturday afternoon and we glanced at coffins together with my husband who just went for moral support but didn’t go view. It was surreal. Me? Discussing coffins? But I don’t feel old! (He left the next day so it was just me and my sister planning -and me paying for- the funeral. He arrived the night before the funeral)
Monday I went back with my sister. We chose a not expensive coffin that came with a package. “A package?” you ask.
Why yes. The coffin came with 50 order of services/programmes, a coffin spray, chairs at the cemetery, decor, a stretch tent, some cars to transport out of town guests, water… A PA system and a slideshow.
This particular package cost us R41 300. And unlike the randoms who kept bothering us for the death documents so they could go claim, I didn’t have a funeral on policy on my mother. It was all coming from our pockets directly. Good thing we’d just received a bonus! Not a single soul offered to help pay. I got used to us collecting money at church to give to the bereaved, and in fact, three of my church ladies went to see my dad (Their first time ever. They’ve never even visited ME in my home ❤️) left a financial love gift.
But I did it. We found a ‘package’ that was even cheaper than what dear husband had thought we’d get.
The front car is the hearse. And the other three were the cars for my dad who didn’t drive, and for car-less relatives.
When they said they include 50 bottles of water. I did NOT picture this…
I also hired (Not through the funeral service people) a normal public transport bus (Golden Arrow) for church members who wanted to go to the cemetery but had no transportation, and fridge for the food, toilets , stoves for cooking on, food…A cousin bought a sheep or two (You can tell I’m vegan. I have no clue how many), and her daughter gave some drinks. (After the funeral, people usually go to the home of the deceased and eat lunch provided by the grieving family.)
It was hectic. It was stressful. It was EXPENSIVE. And it is over.
As for what I believe about the dead? Eccl 9:5. My mom is dead and waited to be weakened by God during the resurrection. (1 Thess 4) I don’t believe the dead go to heaven. Think of all the people who were resurrected in Bible times.
“Hey, I know you’re having fun in heaven, but your mom really wants you to go back down again.” Said to the boy who Elijah raised.
That would be weird. I believe we are sleeping and our breath goes back to the atmosphere, or to God.
And one day, all death will cease.
And we don’t want all this expensive stuff. Bury us asap so the grieving children don’t have to be stressed. And we aren’t having any sermons. Just a memorial service and cremate my husband, and bury me. No people constantly ringing the bell and my children having to feed people all week.
They said I should write a book 