I Deserve It!

I was told that my mother and sister felt I don’t deserve my “big car” because I’m not employed. (It’s a 7 seater vehicle we got specifically because we have six children.)

I have always liked high cars. SUVs of almost any type. I just like high cars because I feel safer as the car in front of me doesn’t obscure my vision of what’s ahead of THEM.

I’ve been struggling with SI joint pain almost non stop now, even on the rheumatologist’s meds. But even before that, I had read that automatic cars are kinder for people who have back pain. The mother of one of my friends even bought her an automatic car because she has back problems.

And that’s the thing. Why want me to not be comfortable? Why want me to NOT have a “big car?” Does that not say more about you than about me? What do my goods have to do with you? I don’t borrow your money, instead, I use my money to help YOU! The irony!

More so today do I realise that actually, I do deserve a “big car.” I am not worse than any other human being who has one. And I am pretty sure I’m kinder than some who drive big cars. I want everyone to be happy, doesn’t that count? I think I’m a good person. I certainly have no ill intent and those who know me know I don’t fight fire with fire. You lie about me, I’ll ignore you. I hate confrontation and arguing and proving myself right and you wrong. I’ll just pray for you and ask why you felt the need to lie and paint me in a negative light.

Anyway, everybody who is a Christian knows that God desires good for us, but also knows we deserve all the bad. We ARE sinners after all. Christ died for us and we pay Him back with less than half the zeal He showed for us. We truly deserve the bad too. Because-guess what? We are not good. Some of us Christians are trying by His grace to be molded into His likeness. And that does count for something.

But we are still imperfect. So yes, we may be good, but we slip. And I have slipped. So no, I don’t deserve my car. But then, those complainers don’t deserve my money either, yet I give it to them.

So, God allows me to have a car. And I’m to do good with it. Like using it for taking parcels of food and clothing to the needy. I deserve it if I will use it to glorify God. And I do. It doesn’t go anywhere where He would not want me to go. And so hey, I deserve it. And more importantly, I wish everyone else who deserves it could have one. I wish all my unemployed friends could find employment so they could use their money for good. I wish we all had money. Well, those of us who won’t blow it on drink and drugs.

Back to the car. I am rambling today because my children aren’t well so they’re all needy and interrupting what should be my usual quiet/writing time.🙃I was going to say. I was in an Axial Spondyloarthritis group (umbrella term that covers AS too) and someone had asked what kind of car they should buy.

Every single AS patient said the car should be automatic and have heated seats and be high. SUV were winners as they are less painful to get into. And automatic gears means less shifting of your SI joints. And heated seats provided pain relief. I don’t have heated seats, but I definitely have a high car.

If I have to suffer this stupid disease with no treatment in sight, do I not deserve something to ease my plight? Like..a car I don’t have to bend down into? Like the car I drive right now? Every sick person-more especially those who did not bring it down upon themselves after clear warnings they disregarded- deserves anything that will reduce their suffering.

I deserve my car. Let people say what they want. I am ‘worth’ anything positive that comes my way.

If you go and drink and drive and then crash your car, I won’t be saying you deserve a replacement. Just saying.