Guilt

I’d started typing this on Facebook then changed my mind and came here…

Lack of lumbar mobility

I hated that when it was time to do seated stretches and toe touches specifically, I couldn’t anymore.

I didn’t think…I didn’t know…

This week, the new rheumatologist was the first one to use a tape measure to measure my spine as I tried to touch my toes. (Google says it’s Schober’s Test)

Except, for the first time ever, I couldn’t touch my toes when standing.

How can that be? I could touch them in January when I saw the first rheumatologist?

Today, I decided to see how exactly I am bending. I tried as hard as I could to touch my toes. And looked at my back in the mirror and got the shock of my life.

I tried to get lower but my spine hurt and I could not. My back refused to move any further down.

I looked like some guy with AS I’d seen who was trying to bend. His back was flat.
My back was flat!

And then the worst…

Because I’ve suspected for a long time that I passed this stupid disease onto my children, I went out to ask THEM to bend. We’ve (my oldest girl and I) always said Bk has it worst-if he has it.

Indeed, she was like me at her age of 17, still able to touch her toes.

But my boy, my sweet son who has complained of back pain besides the swollen fingers they’ve both been getting like I did as a teen, couldn’t.

This was his best. And the curve at the top of the spine there is worrying.

Of course, I’ve sent this photo to the rheumatologist’s rooms and asked for an appointment for him “just in case.” I told them how I’d rather be sure it’s NOTHING than to waste 12 years looking for help in the wrong places.

I found this new rheumatologist through my husband’s retired PA whose 75yr old husband also has AS and is slightly bent forward.
His 29 year old son also has it.

It’s one of those that does tend to run in the family.

As an adoptive mom, I will NOT mind if he chooses to save a child from the possibility of this painful disease and ONLY adopts.

Same with my daughter.

But first things first. We need to find out what it is.

I’ve just returned from asking them their plans for building a family. It turns out they’d already decided that they didn’t want to pass AS onto their children she had discussed how they’d only adopt.

Let’s hope their future partners- if they have any- will be as open. I certainly don’t mind not having bio grandchildren. Any grandchild is going to find a way into my heart, no matter how they get into my family.