My husband is overseas and keeps telling me to sleep. I keep telling him I’m in too much pain!!! (It’s 11pm here.) Ahhh. I’m at the stage of pain where if you are chatting to me about nothing linked to me, or about something trivial, I can’t. I just can’t. I need to curl up into a ball and focus on something deep. Something deep about to take my focus away. I can’t do trivial when my body has been on fire all week and the only person who seems to get it is in America.
Pain is lonely.
Pain borne alone is very lonely.
BUT I also have the joy of knowing I don’t fail. While my children were awake, I didn’t let the pain overwhelm me. I didn’t snap at them. I tried to do as much housework as I could so my teens didn’t feel like glorified slaves once they got back from their exams. I did bed time with my talkative twin. I did so much school with my middle two that they asked to stop. I did that with screaming bones.
And so, I know God understands that I’m too distracted to read the Bible right now. It needs depth I cannot give it. And He knows I’m thankful for much. Like my eight year old who knows exactly how to engage with my non-talkative twin. Who sits with her instead of trying to force her to engage with her. Proud of my little girl.
She’d made me put the box on the sleeper couch and just lay next to it for a long time. My girl respected that and worked with it.
They said I should write a book 