Vindication

I asked the lady who had referred me to the rheumatologist what their experiences were. She said the admin lady is DEFINITELY awful. Her husband even referred to her as a female dog. He too tried to get an appointment for his now late father and she never set one up. His daughter (Both have AS) absolutely hates the woman. She says she’s cold and terrible.

I’m glad. I’m glad I’m not imagining the coldness. I’m glad I’m not alone. The wife (That’s who I’ve been communicating with) said that she suggested to her husband that when he next goes in to see the doctor, he take his complaints, his daughter’s, and now mine as well to the doctor directly. I told her I definitely endorse that, he can freely mention my name.

But it also is sad. Because this means it’s her character. And I don’t see her being fired. Some people are just BAD at their jobs and the doctor doesn’t have time to be following up to check she’s doing it. I mean, if I’ve told you to phone Doctor so and so and another patient is waiting to come in, when will I even remember to come back and ask if you DID schedule that appointment when the next patient also probably has an instruction you need to follow?

And the heart. You can’t change someone’s heart. They need to desire for it to be softened. They should already have a love for suffering patients. You can’t give them a warning that will suddenly make them caring.

She needs a Damascus experience like Saul. Only One from above can show her where she is going wrong. And I get the feeling she’s not ready for such an experience to come from us patients.

More than ever, this has made me understand something. People always used to say that I listen to them. I remember their issues and they felt comfortable telling me their sorrows. One even said she loved me because without me she’d have nobody who cared about her worries and challenges.

If I only had friends like Karin (I do have one. I no longer answer fully when she asks how I am.) I’d also feel seen if I suddenly found someone who tried to immerse themselves in my life. Who cares, who followed up and asked how I am doing after my revelations. We need more of that kind of heart. A heart that tries to bear your burdens, imperfect as it may be. But the attempt is what matters. And when mistakes are made, grace is freely given because we know you try. You try to understand.

May we be that kind of brother or sister to our contacts. May we be a soft place to hide from the hardships of this life. May we love one another as Christ desires.