So, my daughter has been spiraling. The Paed needed to see her as it really has been a long time and this wasn’t going to be a matter of increasing her dose of current meds as they’ve increased her appetite dramatically and half the screaming sessions are because we can’t let her eat multiple times when she’s just eaten.
This is the only time she was calm-when she was looking at trees painted in the reception area. Other than that, she was in so much distress that in the elevator going up, as woman had to end her call. She pulled me away from the door to enter the reception, pulling HARD. S dad even wished me good luck as he walked out after seeing me physically carrying her in.
I wished I could run out with her. But she needs help. It’s obvious her meds aren’t helping anymore. She was agitated and kept wanting to go during our doctor’s visit. This all by a child who has been there many times and was happily bouncing on the sofa and cried when it was time to leave, not wanting to. This was a new child. A terrified child. A child who scrabbled at the closed elevator doors as we went down, desperately wanting to get out. A hild who screamed in the hospital as we left, guaranteeing all eyes on us.
Next time I’ll ask if we can do video call. This was horrific.
But also, my girl calmed down as soon as she was able to touch bushes planted outside. Trees. Plants comfort her. Centre her. Give her peace. I didn’t realise how deep it was till I told her teen siblings and my 17 year old daughter told me that she sometimes will take a whole walk these days(She’s been refusing. Or stopping and returning when she used to be the one to pull them to go out🥹)if they tear down a small branch with leaves from our tree. THEN she’s happier off walking holding it.
Her favorite toy is a new one I bought that has fake carrots with lots of greenery. Now I see why she screamed for it at night. She never asks for anything but her teddy, usually. I need to somehow make use of this knowledge for her bedroom. To make it feel like her safe space. She wants to sleep holding jellyfish lamps and the water pours out no matter how tightly we close it, so that is a sensory no for her room. Hmmm
But I can’t leave on that sad note, thinking of our disastrous hospital visit where the receptionist said, “Oh my, she’s a full time job!”
She said pizza this weekend!! She’d first said “Noodles” as she looked at my pizza. I said, “Hmm, is that what you think?” And then suddenly moments later, she yelled “PIZZA!” First time ever! I think she had been telling herself she needs to find the right word. So we shared my last slice. Ok, she reached for it and I told her we’d share. A bite for me, a bite for her…
And she asked “What’s that?” When looking at a new and different kind of puzzle. We might not be holding conversations or answering questions, but every new form of communication that pops up is a cause for celebration! Hoping for better times. Thankful the good ones already existing.
They said I should write a book 