Exams!!

I am so, so anxious! The teens got A and B for their first set of AS level exams and now they will be doing their last set. If they pass, they’ll be DONE! I can’t picture what that will be like.

They’re extremely sure of themselves while I’m nervous. Very nervous! They haven’t flunked any past papers that we used for practice, but my son struggles with Comp Sci paper 2, only getting 50’s till the last paper he practiced. That was with having found videos from his previous year (one level /grade down) to make sure he knew the foundational principles before I got him more of this year’s AS level videos and it helped- so he claimed. And my daughter didn’t do super well with Biology 1 at the start of our prep season. Hoping they do as well as they did with their last practice! I’m nervous, did I say that??

I hope we are done. It will be a long time till we find out! August 20 something!! In the meantime, we continue with our university applications. And she will also apply through Mediclinic for their nurse training too.

Life is good.

I am limping a lot these days. My respiratory rate is too high. As in, “You are sick” high. It was like that before my bronchitis, now just worse. Normal is 16-20. Mine has even reached 30 on some days and this is while asleep. Or just sitting still. My average is 25. I’m breathing faster than I should be. Which makes sense. Your lungs do that when they aren’t passing enough oxygen to your blood, which my diffusion test already proved anyway.

My blood oxygen once went down to 82% this week. Which I wouldn’t have known till my husband traveled for work and used his ‘pocket’ money to buy me an Apple Watch that measures your blood oxygen levels.

So, I’m still dying.

And my bones are bad. Real bad. Can’t find a comfortable position. And I haven’t heard back from the rheumatologist about our start date which matters because woohoo!! I don’t have to plan surgery yet! My hand surgeon said we will give my nerve four more months before we operate. He is hoping it will settle down. But if not, the surgery will be “bigger” and worse. Which I already figured

Life is good.

I was limping along coming from the orthopedic surgeon when I told my friend about the good part. She and I have always mourned the twin bond my very talkative twin, Neilo, wants to have with her twin sister. (By the way, she doesn’t want us to wash her hair. Now I have two four year old girls who don’t want their heads touched. HELP!) There are times Neilo just wants to hand her something (not even a hug or holding her) and she will refuse.

But in the bath, Reo slides forward till she’s almost squashing her poor sister.☺️ And yesterday she happily allowed Neilo to pour bath water on her calf. Neilo was so pleased that my heart almost burst 😍

Today, I caught them taking spoons for their breakfast. Both girls standing there with the kitchen drawer open. Each had more than one spoon in their little fists already! But Neilo took some more and handed one to her sister, which she took and kept close to her chest. Man!! This is what brings joy. I want to live long enough to witness 40 more years of this!

And you know what? Yesterday as I hugged R in the kitchen. She hugged me. I knelt down to squeeze her tight and she rocked and hugged my head tight. ☺️ She played with my hair, she was so loving. The moment was long. Who needs spoken language during such moments anyway?

I don’t need to hear “I love you” when I can feel it.

And so, I carry those moments in my heart. Nothing can take them away. I may lose my breath walking up to my car, but I’ll never lose that moment.

Life is good.

And….For the first time ever, I left the four little ones in the care of someone else. Someone who’s not one of our family of eight! And it went well! My minimally talking angel laughed and laughed at her. And allowed her to change her diaper while my very talkative Neilo was in a rush to get us out the house so she could be alone (with her three siblings) with Aunty V. 😅”Bye, BK! bye Ella! You can go now!” I hope it works out. Then at least next year I’ll have a help when the teens go to university. Holding thumbs!

Oh, I didn’t tell you? We felt the teens should focus on school during their exam season, so I hired someone to do the housework last month. Reo loves her. That’s our litmus test. If R loves the person then we are fine because she’s the hardest to please. Also, she herself loves the children and doesn’t treat R like she’s got no brain. (Thinking of the woman I tried who would walk right past her or behind her as if she’s a chair, while smiling at, or talking to the others.) This ‘aunty’ understands that behind the ‘non-speaking autism’ is a normal little girl.

I came home and she was laughing and laughing. She had laughed when the aunty changed her diaper too. And to think how worried my eldest was. He was extremely stressed about my leaving the you n er four ‘alone’ with aunty Vi. He thought our girl would panic or run away. But nope, they had the typical hiccups we’d have, and then got along famously.

Life is good.