Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. Ps127:3
This is my ten year old girl in her elk onesie hugging her five year old sister in her rabbit onesie. Her heart is pure and sweet and she gives her heart to her tiny sister even when she’s being rude to people. (The joys of copying what her older teens have taught her to say.😏 Like “Shut up” to older people – not to me. She knows I know we don’t use those kinds of words so she keeps them for when she’s moody with strangers.)
My second girl loves hugging her sister, kissing her, and me. Out of all the chaos of feeling abandoned by her birth mom has come a stronger feeling of belonging and sense of family. She always calls me “My mommy” as if to remind herself that she is mine in every relevant way and I want her. I chose her, as her little sister said. She knows I’d rather suffer than allow her to feel pain of any kind. I am her safe space. What a gift!
And speaking of safe spaces. I wrote down the recommendations I might not already have been implementing for my girl. Turned out there were very few. I’m already doing a lot for them-not just her- and it was written in the section regarding how academics would stress my angel more and so we should think of her doing vocational or practical training in the future. One of the strengths was that she is “already in a personalized, low stress educational environment.” HOMESCHOOL WIN! As in, I’m a mother who doesn’t care about academics to the detriment of mental health, and am aware that you can’t force your brain to do what it cannot. Also, the report mentioned that she can’t say why she’d improved in some aspects except for it having clearly been my intervention, vision therapy and occupational therapy. I’m part of her intervention team! Man, it’s the second time this week that someone has seen the effort and time and work it takes to raise, educate and love my children.
It gets lonely doing this over and over again, nobody to discuss your plans with, nobody to look at recommendations with and help find affordable help. Eg. The one recommended ‘curriculum’ for dysgraphia is extremely expensive. But there are others too. I’d just love to have a partner sharing in the search for aids for my children. It would allow me to look for help for a different challenge or for a different child’s challenges if I had a partner, a team mate in this parenting special needs struggle. Being the only one doing exercises/home work with the children is stressful. If your bones are just too sore and the fatigue too heavy, you feel guilty that it means a day has gone by with nothing therapeutic having been done.
And I think that is also why it is so meaningful when someone out there sees the impact and effort of this lonely work. My children have no clue how many hours I spend trawling the internet, converting dollars or pounds into rands, waiting for another pay day, searching for recommendations from other mothers in the trenches. We don’t want to be thanked. But we NEED to be acknowledged.
So, now what for our little ones given their struggles?
This week I added on another ‘executive functioning’ session on impulse control. We bounced (They did. I just skipped) and when I’d say “sleepy sloth,” they’d immediately have to get down wherever they’d been bouncing bunny and curl up and rest. Feel their heart beating, note the breathing. Again, from a reputable book I searched for and found and bought and put into practice on my own.
Things our ancestors wouldn’t have known to do. Knowledge is power. How many children and adults out there can’t reason well and perhaps if they’d had executive functioning support and help, might be a bit better than they are now? Another thing that stood out in the report is that some of the issues might be caused by an impairment in intellect. So… How many people have been labeled as ‘not hardworking’ or ‘not meeting their potential’ when actually, they have? Do parents even bother spending time with their children discussing their challenges? My girl is extremely motivated. She tries everything and asks questions, something the report also brings out. If parents don’t engage with their children, they will assume the child is disinterested. Parenting needs to be intentional!
Another thing I’m enjoying is the joy my one five year old has for school activities and fine motor tests etc.
She was truly convinced she’d not manage a puzzle that had more pieces than normal. But did it, and then kissed the puzzle. She loves learning! She frequently wants to do much more than I’ve planned for the session, and is working as best as she can.
And we have to smile. How many children would think the capital B is like the tablets of stone Moses had? Only autistics and other cool kids. It’s true, it does look like popular depictions of the Ten Commandments- sideways!
She always finds a way to make me smile. While searching for objects in a picture. and counting how many there are of each object, she had fun pretending to be using binoculars. That is not typical. And I love it.
No other kids in THIS family have done that, I really pray she never stops enjoying learning. And always inserts her own ‘seasoning’ into her classes.
Not forgetting my son. I asked him to take his “building” away and he tells me haughtily, “ It’s a CAMERA, ACTUALLY!”
So, we resume OT next month and continue with vision therapy. My son had a so so mini assessment. Stuff I’ve BEEN saying is not working during our home exercises is definitely not happening for him- like eye convergence. So we’ve planned ten more sessions for both children for now. That’s also what’s next.
Our last born is nowhere near ready for any therapy. And I have no idea how much of the ‘educating’ I’m doing is actually going IN. But hey, she also deserves to be mentioned🥰❤️She’s still scared of people and can’t engage with them long enough to learn or do something at their bidding. She now is in the habit of grabbing her siblings’ food while they are eating, even when she hasn’t finished her food. Our life is one of constant fire fighting. She wants the large bowl or pot and a larger amount than anyone else. So it leads to a lot of cornflakes that we know she won’t eat. And if I forget to hide food in the cooler box, tofu eaten in bulk though thankfully the actual portions eaten are minuscule most of the time. If one has left their bowl of noodles carelessly on the counter to eat later, she will eat it without batting an eyelid. As if it was out there for her! You just have to laugh. It relieved the constant tension of wondering what will set her off. And, to be honest, her twin, too. I do have three children who need anti psychotics. The girls are much worse than their brother!
I will focus more on incorporating all the things from the various textbooks I have, and relax. God will help me find a vocational/practical curriculum somehow, seeing as our government hasn’t given us a school. For now, I focus on treating the bad cold complete with sore throats and horrible coughs that has made them miserable and my non speaker even more difficult to control, harder to keep her from crying and screaming. I hate autism. Did you know that? And dealing with the fear I have of catching their bug. I don’t need further lung damage. I just want everyone to feel better asap and nobody else to catch it.🙏🏾 Every Sabbath has a challenge.😅
Hoping that my children never forget how much I love them. They know it now. I hope they know it always. The girls are currently obsessed with taking photos and video… And that’s also what’s next. Continuing to smile when they tell me to, and looking at every picture or video they show me. Teaching them that mom loves them and is interested in anything good that interests them.
They said I should write a book 