A Little Child Shall Lead Them

“Suffer little children and forbid them not. For of SUCH is the kingdom of heaven.” Jesus.

Last night, my heart ached as this little one coughed and coughed the worst of all the sick children. My heart broke for her. That deep chesty cough is scary to me as I can just picture the mucus growing bacteria and causing a bad infection. And also, she had been extremely sleepy and tired, so to have her sleep disturbed after she’d complained all day about how terrible she felt, was unjust.

So as I lay, I prayed. Prayed she’d be able to sleep soon.

In the morning, mask firmly on my face, I went to check on her. The conversation went something like this, “Is it morning time? Ok! I was coughing ‘n coughing ‘n coughing at night and so I prayed. I prayed to God and He stopped the coughing! And then I sleeped! I love God! He told me He loves me and He made me feel better! He’s the Best Man!”

🥹😊

I told her I’d heard her coughing and I had felt very sad. She responded with, “ Did YOU pray?” Boy was I glad I could say YES!

(Before unsolicited advice from any reader, yes I know it all and do it all. I’ve made all homemade remedies and bought some more echinacea and hot toddy cough drops with echinacea, vit C and what not. Thankfully the one we’ve spoken about it with knows not to give it!)

Then she followed me into my room, found one of the sticks I use for Maths for Ammy and said, “You can use this like a pen! You can write ‘JESUS!’”

THEN, I woke up the one who began everyone’s descent into sickness (minus the teen sisterand us adults for now). My sweet Ammy who had done this outside.

Her conversation wasn’t as light at all! She opened her day with, “I don’t know how I’d survive without you if you died.”

Ok then…We are back to THAT! Poor girl. I reassured her not that I won’t die because I don’t know that, but that Vi loves her, her aunty Azola (my friend who loves them with all her heart) would check on them more often. But that I loved her and we would pray that I don’t die any time soon. I gave her a big hug while trying not to breathe in and hasten said death by getting sick. And hopefully she will get it one day. I’m irreplaceable, but she is loved by more than just me. There are others who are patient with her ADHD symptoms and enuresis problems. There are others who are gentle. Vi even laughs about the yucky things we find. I want her to know there are others who’d be her safe space. Who see beyond the behaviour to a child who once asked, “ But won’t God send me to hell? Because I do naughty things on purpose. I can’t stop myself. Aren’t I bad?” She has people who will never hold her behaviour against her but will continue to teach her the best way to be.

It’s like one of the suggestions given us regarding her self harming (Her anti anxiety meds we’ve moved to have reduced THAT) and destruction of clothing : Provide old clothing she is allowed to destroy.

Here’s to more of God and less worrying about my death.🙏🏾🥹

Seeing as my ten year old loves writing, I’d better work fast on finding a ‘speech to text’ programme (Yep, lots of recommendations to work against the challenges caused by her earning disorders) for her so she can say everything she wants to say. Finish her thoughts and be more understandable.

And as I’ve been saying, her poor brother has more severe challenges so I foresee him not even being put on a dysgraphia curriculum to try learn to write better, but straight into speech to text software like one of Ammy’s suggestions. My poor boy!

PS after handing the above to me, my girl asked what an anniversary is and how it’s celebrated.😆

Yet he can READ so well. The brain is a curious thing.

This has taken me all day to write. Let me go see if my girl feels any better about my dying. And WHY she’s so stressed about that.

I’m back!

She is feeling less scared but doesn’t want me hanging around them while they are sick. We can hope. Pray. And watch.