No!

The fights I have to deal with in this house! There’s a ‘My Mommy’ fight going on.

For a while now, Amarissa has been calling me MY Mommy. Heavy emphasis on MY. And I was ok with that. She’s at the age where she has fully understood what adoption is, and also, more. I’ll get to the ‘more’ soon. What she told me a few months ago, was that when talking about me to her siblings, she referred to me as “MY mommy” and her oldest sister took umbrage. “She’s not only your mommy, Ammy! She’s also ours.” I didn’t address it because Big Sis is off in Pretoria studying so she’s not here to argue.

But the argument resumed today. “Mommy, Mickey and Bk got very angry when I called you MY Mommy. They said you’re their mommy too. But that’s why I wrote a letter that said, ‘My Mommy.” (The one in which she implored me not to die.) I looked over at Micaiah. I know the underlying reason. But Micaiah is too intellectually damaged to understand it. And of course, I AM his mommy. I looked at his aggrieved face and told him that she doesn’t say ‘My Mommy Only and Nobody Else’s.’ Didn’t work. I told him he too can call me “MY Mommy.” Yeah, he did not accept that one either. I was thinking, “And why is my 20 year old son being so dramatic anyway? He’s meant to q Mickey’s anger!” Our part time tutor also tried to weigh in. I don’t know if he ever got fully convinced. And I don’t want to tell my angel to stop. She is internalizing a very important fact. Something she needs to do, specially given my other blog post about the teen who told me she always feared she’d make her (adoptive) parents stop loving her if she did something bad. Love seemed conditional to her even though logically she knew it wasn’t. So I left it and carried on with my mommy (See what I did there?) duties.

Everyone was dressed. Everyone medicated..except for Nalo who just needed her second medication. I’d set out her clothing after getting into her room and the first thing she told me was, “I wet the bed a LOT!! I made a BIG wee!” She asked for wipes and I gave them to her, asked her big brother to give her her antipsychotic, and after helping her disrobe her lower half, had left her to continue while I warmed up and dished out breakfast. When her twin decided it was time to go for a drive, I went back to her room to see how far she was.

Not far! Much like her sister, who needs lots of motivation and reminders and discussions of what exactly to take off and what to put on next, without me she’d done NOTHING! Her bottom half was still disrobed and her top half still the wet pyjama top and vest! I asked what she’d been doing all this time. “I’ve been singing!” she told me happily! So, I had to undress her and quickly get her dressed before her twin started screaming.

Amarissa walked in. She looked at me and said, “ Thank you for being my mommy.” Her five year old sister butted in, “She’s MY mommy too!” 😂🫣I hate being thanked for adopting. For me, it’s what everyone SHOULD be doing. And it’s as normal as MAKING a baby (for me) And none of my bio kids have thanked me for their being born. So I smiled at her. But she again said, “Thank you for being my mommy and taking me.” (Hate that last phrase.) “If you hadn’t been my mommy, I’d be very sad because I’d have nobody to call Mommy.”💔🥹

Man, my heart went to the many children who indeed are not adopted. And to how her arm was fractured in foster ‘care.’ Also, she’s been reading books by a foster mother and she’s finally realised that it wasn’t a straight “I’d be living with birth mom if not with my adoptive mom.” Birth mom has placed her in foster care. The choice was being left in foster care, or being adopted. And we CHOSE to adopt. I told her I loved her and our dear ADHD girl whose medicine I was holding in my hand had added in there somewhere, “But don’t worry, she’s my mommy and also your mommy.”😅 Then she told her her new slippers are beautiful. (Twin A is great at compliments.) I told my girl I’m glad I am her mommy too! When my girl says, “MY Mommy,” she means, “and if she wasn’t my mommy, I’d have none at all. She chose to make me happy.”

As for my boy, this is what I mean that he’d not understand the nuances of why I’m not stopping her from being so emphatic about me being HER mommy.

Violet is our helper.

My poor boy still has problems knowing what the different relations in a family are. He will frequently refer to me as his father’s mother, for example. He has known his birth mother’s name for over a year now. But he forgets it. He won’t understand the gratitude Ammy feels and what she means by my being her mommy as opposed to her having no mommy. So for now, I will keep reminding him to also call me HIS mommy. And I’ll go find my firstborn son and tell him what’s behind is sister’s emphasis. They’re all concrete thinkers, given they’re all autistic and my oldest daughter suspects she is too. (Oldest son diagnosed at age 17.) Hopefully that will keep the peace a bit. We have too many other arguments I have to referee! Also, I’ve explained the difference between sunbeam and son. I don’t know how else we can get THAT understanding into him.

And random one. The twins spent time together yesterday, during ‘quiet time.’ My non speaker enjoyed drawing with washable markers on her sheet. Her twin cheerfully told me when I walked into the room, “Look at her ART!”

Lovely. Juuuuuusst LOVELY! Bestselling art right there! 🙃I understand it though. She can’t ask for more paper and she’d used up the available page. Of COURSE she’d find different objects to draw on. Very logical.🙂