All of Them!

Isn’t it crazy that a mother would be happy that she has MANY children who need therapy? Obviously, financially it’s BAD. The fuel spent, the costs our medical aid does NOT repay, it’s not great. And it’s not exactly wonderful that they need it all. BUT, you see, we had THIS little girl who needed more siblings to need therapy. Siblings who came from my own womb.

I am pretty sure some might recall – not sure if I had THIS blog at the time though- that my girl felt that we shouldn’t have adopted, because it was only her adopted brother and her who needed therapy. She was with me when I had to pay for vision therapy and the receptionist and I laughed over how we’d pay anything for our children. She missed the laughter and just saw money… Money spent only on the adoptees. Big sister and big sister didn’t need therapy. “You shouldn’t have adopted us. Then you’d have more money.”

I feel like I do recall sharing on here that I tried to show her how broken I myself am and how I too am in need of extra care and money and I wasn’t adopted. It just was it was. I too had many tests. Yes, they were physical in nature, but I cost a lot too. So she must never think being adopted is the problem. Life is!😅

But it helps even more knowing that both her siblings from my womb also need therapy. This was taken during OT yesterday. She doesn’t feel so weird. And she gets to see lots of other children coming and going as the practice has three therapists. So she knows she’s not as much of an outlier as she thinks she is. And that is GOOD!

If someone could come up with way to get my angel to not assault me and not want to drink toilet water because it’s blue, I’d be happy to send her there too!

As you can see, my wound and stitches are going in the wrong direction. And look at the swelling too.

This was today’s photo here below

You might be able to tell that I’m swollen all the way down to my ankle. And the pain is increasing. So… I’ll give it today. If no reduction, I’ll go to the wound nurses tomorrow and find out if this is something we can remedy. Compare it to Saturday…

So now you can see why my angel told me not to teach today. At my wound appointment, I’d been warned that the calf is not a good place, we stand up and all the blood goes down. Not good as that causes pressure. So I was to elevate my feet above my heart as much as possible. But add all the walking I do as I parent my children and teacher, caregiver of special needs children, and it’s not going to get enough rest.

My girl was not impressed with how it looks today so she made me stay on the bed. I taught her from afar. Tomorrow I’ll get her to bring her desk closer because wow, she left out many pages! She’d do one page and then miss out two then continue!

With her sister, some of her work allowed us to both be on the bed as she read to me and we discussed ordinal positions as well.

Yep, her sister cut her hair. Did I mention that? Sigh, I’m definitely leaning towards a conduct disorder. Then again, an impulse disorder also makes sense. I wish we could get this neuropsychological assessment done YESTERDAY. And once we diagnose it, is there a way to reduce the number of times she goes bonkers?

I am happy. So so happy. This is a total side bar. I realized that I am seen and heard. The very things I share that someone is so weak and pathetic as to pass on to my abuser, are the things that I’ve never said for over two decades. I spent decades praying for growth and maturity but there has been none to find. The word selflessness is nonexistent. Sacrifice? A swear word? And so, I have found others. A very busy mom who I tried to entice to visit me but man, I don’t know what kind of day our last born would be having so I’m glad it hasn’t happened, and my best friend. I included her in the email I wrote to my children’s father and the woman he’s being a sugar daddy for. They know she knows. And it makes me happy to know that the world will not shake if I finally reveal my reality. Did you know that I’ve never shared till now, that an in law stole our rent deposit AND that he didn’t ever confront her, ask her why she stole, ask her to return our money we’d both worked hard for? I would share about my own relatives who used me only for money, but I was quiet about a thief who also stole. For what? No more! Truth is truth even if there are talebearers going around telling my abuser the truths I share.

I am thankful that my best friend allowed me to traumatize her. Twice over thh he years, if not thrice, she begged me not to tell her the abuse I’ve been undergoing. But I had nobody. So I did. And she has allowed me to.🥹That means a LOT, it’s more helpful than hurting my body sitting on a psychologist’s chair while wondering how the children age at home.

I am thankful for sisterhood. For strength. We aren’t the old generation that tells people that no matter how bad things are, just endure the pain and don’t expect accountability, We aren’t the people who accept flirtation and infidelity from our spouses as a matter of course. If we can be faithful, then clearly they too can be. If we can surround ourselves with sisterhood, they can find fellow men to give their time and attention to. We aren’t the type to say, “Oh well, all men cheat. It’s part of life.”

Nope, it’s a life we didn’t sign up for when we said our vows. We signed up for tenderness. For high regard. For team work and partnership. For fidelity and integrity. For a man who will leave his mommy and cleave to us just like we cleave to him. For being cared for in sickness. And so, when things go wrong, and it turns out the man was future faking (presenting a future he wasn’t ever going to ACTUALLY live up to) we send each other videos and links to things that are relevant to the season we are in. And that makes me happy. Even if the video itself makes me cry.😊

PS. I know there are female horrible wives. But I’m not a man who has guy friends to discuss them with. So, I’ll stick to the men who are whack and rejoice for those whose husbands serve their family unit as they should.