Twin Miracle Moment

You have no idea how bad I felt. I was standing outside with our little non speaker and I pointed out a flying butterfly to her. Wrong move. She ran into my body, put her arms around me in abject fear and hid her face in my side. That was a very strong, “I am TERRIFIED!” And so, as spring sprang up, we all realised she’s afraid of butterflies and dragonflies. Both of which we don’t have a lack of.

She’s scared of them unless her twin is with her! How crazy is THAT??

First of all, it was already so cute that her twin was blowing bubbles to entertain her. This girl loves her two minute younger sister. She told me we needs the Baby fabric softener I use for her eczema because she is a baby, “She can’t talk and she’s so cute!” And she is so adorable about her bigger twin sister. “Mommy, you know what? I was playing with R, I sang to her, I kissed her, I blowed bubbles and she didn’t scratch me!” Poor lovey.

So there they were outside where the insects are and enjoying each other’s company. My first daughter is the one who took the photos.

Then later on as they went round the house, my talkative twin caught a butterfly.

Look at THIS! She’s standing right next to her and she is looking at the butterfly! Unbelievable to all of us! Sometimes she even quakes in fear but this time, she not only didn’t even flinch, she pulled her twin who was still holding the butterfly!

And when it flew away, she still didn’t run! Wow! It’s got to be twin ‘magic.’

And there’s been a lot of ‘magic’ happening around here.

Humility. I will keep banging on about this because it’s something I love and she keeps showing it! Ammy is such a humble girl. Yesterday, she was asking me what the folded napkins were that had come with disposable cups and plates. I told her they were serviettes. Note, she turns 11 tomorrow. She asked what aserviette is. Her six year old sister told her, “A serviette is something that you use to wipe your hands and mouth when you are eating.”

I still can’t get used to her way of speaking. Our little autistic dictionary. But also, how did she know? Which video did I download that taught them that? And how wonderful it was that Ammy asked me I would post that her little sister knows what a serviette is!🥹❤️❤️❤️She loves praising her little sister and making her very aware of her strengths.

Our little girl is into wild animals now. No more Pharaoh, it’s animals! Ammy told me she liked a black dress I was wearing and ywim a concurred. “I like it too Mommy! You’re like a black jaguar!”

Ok then!

I can see the resemblance… 😅

It’s been a week. Full of blessing and the norm. We have lovely guests from Nairobi, Kenya who gave me flowers. It is so special having something handed to you. I can count on one hand the friends who have given me gifts. Ok I can also count on one hand the friends I can count on. Old friends I no longer have communication with who tried to raise money for surgery, friends who sent money for medication, friend who bought me a denim skirt after I had looked fruitlessly for one for YEARS… I am thankful for the beauty- filled moments of the week.

Yes we ‘did’ Christmas yesterday. My children who attend OT have the bug now so I am stuck with it for the foreseeable future. For me growing up, we knew Christ wasn’t born on this day, and we were poor. So the day meant meat with our food after slaughtering a sheep and sometimes a cow in my grandparents’ rural homestead, it means jelly and custard, it meant that little children wore brand new fancy clothes that you’d use for church thereafter and that was it. If we couldn’t travel that year, it wasn’t special at all.

But it is special for all my children including my daughter’s biological sister. Let’s start with her! We (daughter with my full support) finally got her mother admitted in a softy hospital for assessment and help. She will be there for two more weeks. And the girl is thankful. I am thankful. If I can’t adopt anymore, then let me love from afar. She hasn’t even told her mother that she wasn’t accepted by a university she’d applied at for next year.💔Only I know. That is what I am here for- to make people feel less alone. So you can guess how happy I was when I asked if her cousins were with her yesterday and she said yes, the cousins had actually gone to the home the previous day, and taken her and the babies to their home.❤️❤️❤️Oh my heart was so happy. They were not able to travel as they do not have the money to do so. And when I say “travel,” I mean ‘travel to the area the apartheid government had designated as belonging to Xhosa people with some Sotho intermingled.’

I spent the year buying things here and there to give the children their Christmas. Earlier in the year when we had a lunar eclipse, my bigger girl was as enthralled as I was, sending me multiple photos of the progress. She mentioned how she wished she had a pair of binoculars. So… Binoculars were on the list. I always ask them what they want. One girl wanted a camera, one girl wanted a purple skirt, Micaiah wanted a monster truck, and my biggest boy wanted a small backpack he can put wallet and driver’s license in, and our eclipse girl wanted a journal.

You should see how much paper is lying around! It’s a case of buyer’s remorse! But they enjoy it so much that I can’t hate. My talkative girl took a photo of me and said she would look at it when I’m not there. Made me a bit emotional imagining a day when I’d not be there forever because I’m dead. She took a photo of the lovely “bowl of cereal that Reo was eating. See, it’s not the packet, it’s a bowl!”

I got each of them what they wanted and an extra. Big son was happy with the pleather personalised notebook and pen. He said it looked very sophisticated. Biggest girl was happy with the unexpected and very high powered binoculars she got. The girls were happy with their purple tops and pink bunnies that they got besides the little black and white printing cameras and purple skirts they wanted. Micaiah got his monster truck and a pair of jeans and a top and a camera. Ahh the joys of multiple children! Now you see why it took me a year to buy all this. Our non speaker got a pink bunny and a train set.

And though it means nothing to me, it meant the world that they decided I also need a gift! I got a lovely mug and hot chocolate. In the heat of summer. So it will wait for when I’m feeling like I need it and somehow they got one without gluten. Did you realise how many cans have gluten? I never expected hot chocolate to contain gluten.

And then today I realized my gift to myself is a very strained and painful shoulder from too much ironing yesterday. I could only manage to iron a child’s comforter today before giving up. AS is the gift that keeps on giving. I am not my body. Or rather, I am more than what my body allows me to be. And that makes me sad and mad.

Nevertheless! I shall be thankful that with the highs and lows of special needs parenting, I have some highs. Our girl is saying more words. She sadly still wants certain things so I get dragged around when I’m ironing, preparing to medicate a child, trying to rest… There’s no holiday. But there’s peace in my soul and heart.

We will be fine. I know it because with the flowers, came prayer. When our guests came, the wife pulled me aside immediately and wanted to know how I am. Readers, you won’t believe how moved I was. The last time her husband came alone was right after I had discovered my husband’s first known affair. I could not pretend to be happy when he’d just broken my heart. And because everyone was acting like if I told anyone I would be the betrayer, I told myself I would have to pretend we are a married couple when really, I was the married one, he was a hunting bachelor.

The wife told me how disappointed her husband was. How he phoned her and told her I hadn’t met up with him when Mr went to the hotel he was staying in. It bothered both of them a lot and they wondered if I was ok. I had no idea my not going had had an impact. I truly had thought I was an extra and that the husband had really wanted to see Mr but because we’d sing together in a trio then quartet, I was a welcome addition.

I told her everything that I could think of between children interrupting us and wanting attention and her giving it fully and lovingly to them. And I will end with how as she heard a mix of a bit of everything including AS, she was compelled to pray for me right there and then. And my children saw it. Amarissa said she was such a caring aunty to pray for me, it was very special for her to see that.

I don’t know what the future holds for my breaking down body and somehow caring for my ‘getting bigger, stronger and drawing blood when attacking us ‘ daughter as I look to the day I am alone and not tied to someone who doesn’t know how to be a for better or worse, in sickness and health, forsaking all others type of person. But somehow, in the same way those who understand this life tell me they don’t know how I’m not wallowing in despair, we will manage through it. It won’t be easy. It won’t be fair.

But none of this current life is fair either.

It will be made right.

Have a blessed Sabbath and peaceful and healthy weekend!