Nobody to Celebrate With

A random floor. But it means much more! A place I could not clean before. But now..TWICE.. I swept and mopped. This random bathroom floor! And nobody noticed to celebrate with me.

I hate this part. No flare of AS. The stomach pain from IBS isn’t as constant as it had been, I get a few hours when it goes away. I hate that the times I would try to sweep/vacuum, I was not able to finish. But this time I vacuumed, mopped, cleaned the toilet, mirror and sink. And nobody noticed. Not the cleaning itself. But nobody noticed that I could do what I couldn’t do in months or years.

It’s the loneliness of suffering alone. You can’t rejoice with anyone when the suffering is not as extreme as it had been, because nobody noticed or cared when you were at your worst. I couldn’t find my Tramahexal yesterday and I was almost in tears engage you can’t get a refill to early. How would I reduce pain without it out it? Then I found it. I was so relieved. And so the same people who don’t SEE me, don’t see me when the energy is available and the pain not too bad. Nobody to celebrate with.

Nobody noticed I wasn’t able to do my AS exercises. I stopped because it hurt too much and I would be so dead by the end of the day that I didn’t have the strength to stretch, to sustain muscles that AS makes weaker. But this week I’ve done a few exercises each night. But nobody is there to celebrate with me.

Nobody sees the laundry that I take to go put away. They don’t see or know how much pain is caused by just holding three bed sheets. And so they cannot rejoice when I can carry many rounds of laundry up and down, up and down.

Earlier today, the pain was excruciating in my hip. Somebody was there to laugh at how I looked, when they asked if I was in pain as I was “standing funny.”

It’s better to live with a real NOBODY than with somebody who acts like YOU are nobody.

I’ll end with a cool aspect. And you know, the cool aspects don’t take the body pain as I lie here typing. They don’t mean we didn’t have a torrid time with screaming and crying. It just means there was at least something new to thank God for while begging Him for even more help.

This little girl who decided to sit on the kitchen counter this evening, woke up later than normal! She came way after I’d finished studying my Bible! And she was happy! Laughing a lot, smiling, saying words. Her phrase today was “asking toys.” Aka “I want some toys.” She stood in front of her breakfast and said, “Eat them!” then ate! It was fascinating hearing her putting words together with meaning! When her big sister asked if she wanted to wear sandals, or takkies, she pushed the sandals away saying, “Sandals! No!”

She’s making more eye contact too! I really pray these two word sentences don’t disappear and that she continue to shock us with words and concepts! Let’s hope she sleeps! It’s 21:20!

Isn’t it great that God does see us and our efforts? May I do it all with His glory in mind.