How are things going with my not very predictable, and very physical daughter? This post was prompted by a father of an autistic child who commented under the post in which I spoke snot my daughter hitting me and hurting me.
Sometimes good, sometimes bad. She has no real texture she prefers anymore. She will eat porridge-y Pronutro just fine, and oats. And sometimes..not. Today was one of those “Not oats” days. She came into the house, saw the oats on their table and came storming to the kitchen yelling angrily. I knew what that meant. This time poor Micaiah who happened to come into the kitchen got caught in the crossfire for the first time (in my presence. ) I didn’t know how he’d react when I was telling her to be kind so didn’t even have a chance to warn him to rather stay away instead of getting close. But, it ended ok. Well, it ended ok for him. He left and then when I replaced the oats with original flavour Pronutro-which she keeps gesturing for-she knocked the bowl out my hand and cereal went flying.
I’m sorry the camera glitches so you can’t see it all.
This is what life is like here. Not ALL days, but MANY days. I will need someone to be nanny who understands the unpredictability but will remain calm under fire. I think of a baby who was hired by a lady in a South African homeschool group. She took a month holiday and went home and they had a sub. She wrote to tell the mom that she misses her autistic son who is so loving despite how often he hits her. I’ll need someone like that unless I miraculously find a very affordable therapeutic centre for her. If we lived somewhere like in the States, I’d definitely have an aide for her and send her to one of their special schools. But, I’m here, not there. And we have nothing here. The government only even starts putting our children on their two year plus special school waiting list after your child turns seven! AFTER. And the waiting list is long! Can even be longer than two years. It’s BAD. I really don’t know what to do and am constantly stressed to the max. I’m struggling.
Then we come to the middle two. I’m meant to brush their teeth. And I’m starting to struggle there too. Just folding laundry has been tiring and difficult. My arms have been giving up on me and feeling strain. This week, it’s gotten even worse. I can’t even fold ONE SHEET! I have to put it down half way through the process. One sheet! I was telling my husband that I wish he could feel what I’m feeling. I wish everyone who expects too much of me could feel what I’m feeling too.
I really DO need to stop working.
It became evident that what I’ve been wanting to do is truly necessary (finding them educational and therapeutic external centers) when I couldn’t even brush one child’s teeth without stopping in pain. One set of teeth! But my arms got tired and were extremely sore. Just brushing my son’s teeth so I had to stop and rest a while. What kind of a life is that? Thats the fatigue we mean. It stops us moving. It makes us wonder if we won’t collapse. It is overwhelming.
I need a second mother for my children. A kind, honest, gentle, able to drive, patient, mother to teach. I don’t think they make others like me. I haven’t even met anyone who doesn’t lose their temper at their own children or relatives. How much more when dealing with mine?
Clothes and shoes constantly left outside overnight to get rained on, or for heavy dew to fall on. Socks getting lost by my mine year old daughter. Underwear thrown out the window by one of the middle two. Daughter still making holes in her clothes. Eight year old throwing food down the toilet. Both extremely easily distracted. I’ll tell my son to go wash his face and he will stop to ask me why babies use pacifiers instead of doing so. Then he will forget I ever told him to go. Or my daughter will go get undressed but you’ll find her sitting down with only one sleeve off, reading a book.
I need someone like Job.
I need them NOW. So yes, it’s been up and down. I’ve managed to divert some anger and get my unpredictable girl her to be less violent. I’ve verbalised her feelings but told her straight after that we are kind and gentle and hug each other, we don’t push. Sometimes she hears and then squeezes me for a hug. Sometimes not.
Homeschooling while terrible unwell is another level of torture. I can’t even finish the next day’s lesson and therapy planning as I’m so in pain by 20:30. Hoping for a breakthrough. And a break.
In the meantime, I grasp and clutch to myself every comedic moment and every insane second. Like my four year daughter who only partially listens when I’m teaching -doing what I tell her, but also planning her own thing. Above, she decided on her own that while I’m reading to her, she’d suddenly draw two C’s. And she did. I’ve never had a student like her before. She marches to the beat of her own drum in every single area of her life. It’s funny. It’s tiring. It’s frustrating when her drum beat is out of sync with the symphony I’m trying to conduct. When she wants to do something totally out of line with what she’s meant to do. And she does most of it, with a smile and easy confidence that her wish is not disobedient nor distracting.. and never negative. So what if she can’t say without stopping to want a very specific book we can’t find and she won’t eat until we find it and put it next to her? So what if she sometimes even coughs and splutters a because she’s chewing and singing at the same time so some food goes down the wrong pipe? She will be warned by me. But she continues and then with watery eyes say, “Oh, I’m choking!” 😩🫣Her not very talkative sister does the same too. She will jump and spin with food in her mouth and sometimes cough and splutter when the food goes down the wrong pipe. I don’t know which is worse! Their extreme activity instead of eating- wondering up and down and going around to find toys and books. Or the middle two and how they will take an hour and still not finish a small bowl of food. And it’s not because of the ADHD meds that reduce appetite. They do that even without the meds. To feed them less would be to under feed them. But to make them sit for three hours would mean I don’t get time to teach. So I end up telling them stop and learn then eat again after a short school lesson.
Told you I need a breakthrough.. and a break. The mind can only take so much constant stress before it breaks. And that’s a mind in a healthy body. Even healthy parents of even one neurodivergent child can’t cope if the child is challenging. And I understand it. I need a break. We all need respite. We all need hope and help.
They said I should write a book 