Ok, it’s not REALLY a book written about her. But it could have been! It’s by a foster carer who fostered a little girl who was also ten years old, back in 1989. This poor girl had been sent away by her biological mother! The mother said she was mischievous, naughty, always trying to irritate people and “too much to handle.” And like all the other foster carers who would come to take the child and then send her away, added to these complaints was that she irritated other children in the family, she ENJOYED BEING TROUBLESOME.
And so, this poor girl, chased away because she was unbearable, ended up with a couple that usually took on ‘challenging teenagers.’ And every.single.thing.she.did, reminded me of Amarissa. Even before they finally got an appointment to get her assessed, I knew. When the schools kept suspending her for being disruptive, not focusing and even to this last set of foster carers for whom she was hard to deal with, it was clear.
She had ADHD. And sadly, there was no medication back then. But the child, the child was so relieved! She knew she hadn’t been disobedient, clumsy, unthinking just to irritate. She was excited, “I have a ‘thing!’ It’s not me! It’s my brain! I have a ‘thing!’”
Sadly, instead of this showing the mom that the poor girl wasn’t just being obtuse on purpose, she then said, “See? I knew there was something wrong with her. I don’t want her back.”
This girl was like mine in so many ways. Climbing up high without a care. Forgetting and being distracted. Fidgeting and always moving around. Finding school work boring. And like my girl, the foster couple felt that though she was extremely hard work, she was a lovely girl who made your heart warm.
Indeed!
I’ve often thought of how much abuse there is in baby and children’s homes here in South Africa, and how they’d have treated a child like my ten year old. I didn’t ever think that she might have been sent away multiple times. They were similar even in not having bladder control during the day!
But she was lovable. How sad that the behaviours became larger than the child and her need for stability and love; the need for a healthy m self confidence instead of being told she’s being purposefully naughty. The number of times she had to explain that she didn’t do her homework not because she was lazy, but she honestly forgot there WAS homework.
My child might have suffered a lot.
God bless all the different types of parents who love children others deem unlovable.
I know I complained to others that our girl’s foster mother was cold when we met the day our girl was coming to join our family. Only when I ignored that and kept telling her over the weeks and months how we were settling in with our girl and just being kind despite the negative vibe I felt, did I realise the love she has for these babies. It was when she said she was feeling very down and worried because the new parents of the baby she had given over weren’t very warm and loving to the baby so she was scared they’d not love her, that’s when I realised it was grief making her cold. She was trying to stop from being sad. She struggled a lot when babies had to leave. Sometimes she had a good feeling and sometimes not, but she always mourned the baby. Thankfully, she didn’t have a negative vibe from us, it was pure grief.😄
Again, God bless all the different types of women who MOTHER the innocent but challenging. So today, I am thankful for the many mothers in my groups whose children are like mine but have never considered giving them away. Parents whose children are extremely violent and hurt them badly, leaving scars. But still don’t even consider placing the child in foster care. Now that I know people actually do that, that it’s not always about the ability to feed the child etc ONLY, I salute all loving parents of challenging children who instead of wishing the child away, only wish for the hard things to go away.
Even this! Throwing things out the window when told to tidy up. (Now returning them after being caught!) Just like the girl in the book!🤦🏾♀️
The child stayed in foster care and even as an adult, always visited the one family that saw her heart, not ONLY her behaviours.❤️
They said I should write a book 