Two years ago, I took my now eight and seven year old to an educational psychologist. I knew they both had ADHD. I knew they both had terrible memory problems. But I’m not able to go get medication until a professional tells me I’m right. So off I went.
I had other concerns too. We have always known my seven year old has global developmental delay on top of autism and SPD. But there was something else my girl was struggling with too.
The psychologist brushed my concerns off. “She’s fine! She will become a lawyer, you’ll see! Her negotiation skills are amazing and she has no other problems. Just get her on Ritalin and she will be fine. There’s nothing else you need to worry about.” Though she did send us for behavioral optometry assessment to be sure, as her tracking was not great. (Neither was my son’s.)
I wasn’t convinced.
Here we are, two years later. I have educated my older children. I know what ‘normal’ should be. I know my older two aren’t geniuses. So by age eight, my girl should be able to count to thirty, shouldn’t she? And she should be able to recite basic sums, shouldn’t she?
But she can’t. She knows 1+1 but no matter how I teach the other basics, she can’t memorise them. Granted, ADHDers do have poor memory skills anyway so there is a lot she can’t memorise, but it’s concerning. She has to work out ‘plus one’ despite the various and different ways different curricula have explained it, despite the videos I’ve used, besides the different ways I’ve explained it. All the above sums, she has to do on her fingers. That, plus her inability to count to 30 shows me that perhaps there’s a dyscalculia issue. Yes, she understands more vs less, but this and subtraction are too difficult for her.
Then there’s the writing. And this is after two years of tracing bunvers and seeing numbers. And the above was immediately after tracing and copying numbers AND my having the sheet with the numbers where she could see them and copy them correctly. Could it be dyslexia? She struggles with writing letters too.
I began assessment for both children with a different educational psychologist early this month. While discussing each child’s birth mother and prenatal history, she kept saying, “Things could be so much worse! Wow, they’ve survived a lot!” Not helpful. The damaged clothing, the way I have to be hyper vigilant because their version of fun is destructive or disturbing (Shouting at passersby over the wall), the extreme messiness, the inability to follow instructions, the homeschooling struggle… It’s too much for me. Knowing it could be worse when it could be better is not helpful. It doesn’t change my daily struggle.
Now, the average salary in my country is apparently R24 000. Assessment -which consists of a meeting with me first, emotional assessment, academic assessment, reports etc-will cost around R12 000. (R1110 per hour.) That is a LOT. Just for TESTING. Only AFTER my first meeting with her did she tell me that she is having surgery so we will begin “at the end of April/May.” Not sure when that is and she hasn’t given me a date yet. Not that I’m in a hurry given I have to pay for my MRI and our monthly medication anyway. But it would have been nice to know there would be a delay BEFORE she saw me so I could see someone else and get the ball rolling.
Oh well. We shall wait. In the meantime, I’m taking Maths very slowly. Pointless forcing her to go faster than she can. I wish we had schools that allowed you to forego Maths completely. I wish we had special schools that had small classes and provided therapy. We do, but they are private and beyond our means. In the meantime, I’ll use manipulatives to ‘do’ the sums. I’m honestly not coping. With their challenges come behavioural issues that just don’t work for a mom who’s spending her days faking not being in pain and fighting extreme fatigue while dealing with daily cleaning and ironing. Do you know how much work six children create? I can’t even go to the toilet without my one three year old banging on the door screaming and crying. My seven and eight year olds also come shouting “Knock, knock” when I’m in the toilet. Add to that that I have hit early menopause at the ripe old age of 42 and my HRT has caused prolonged and heavy bleeding, my loo visits are not fun anyway.
I am at breaking point. Each cry and shout from my seven year old autistic boy who is suspected to have FASD sends my blood pressure through the roof. (Can you believe the pediatrician wanted to discount the FASD “because he’s not aggressive?” And this is while he’s on anti-psychotic anyway. And I’m VERY sure not all FASD children are aggressive anyway.) Not doing school is not an option. If I don’t come up with something for them to do every minute of the day, they complain of being bored. They break things. They eat paint. They tear their clothes. They cut their hair…
I myself might end up with a dys something or the other soon! This is homeschooling life on another level. A level too high for me. Educating my teenagers didn’t prepare me for this. And they aren’t a walk in the park themselves with their current exam lack of concern. I wish there were three of me. I dread each day, and that is not how motherhood should be. Maybe if I was well I’d be able to bear it better.
That’s the first time I’ve admitted that.
I dread each day. 😭
They said I should write a book 