I Wish I Had Lip

I wish I was able to reply to people. I was brainwashed into being a people pleaser. To be quiet. To not even explain myself in case that got me a beating. And sadly, that lesson has remained ingrained in me even today.

The woman who thought I was a domestic worker..then upon hearing I lived in the complex she asked if we had bought the home or were renting it, I should have asked her what it had to do with her.

I didn’t.

The relatives who send me stupid messages about the Bible being fake, about how I should change my values as I’m sick because I don’t believe as they do (my values which are not harming them and which I don’t even share with them ie. Speak about with them), I should be able to tell them they are wasting their time.

When someone tells me how wicked my mother was while ignoring their father’s guilt..I should be able to tell them they are talking nonsense. Like Job, I should be able to say as he said to his useless ‘friends’ in chapter 13, “You think you’re the only ones who have knowledge. I’m not inferior to you. I know as much as you do, and I know that what you are saying is a lie.”

But I don’t. I dislike conflict. I just keep quiet. I’ve only done it with one friend, and even then, she’s not being stupid or mean or unlike like Jon’s friends or these relatives mentioned above.

2024 is seeing me focusing on what I can control, on my health, on those who suffer through no fault of their own, and on being a good friend to good people.

But yes, I wish I had lip. I wish I could retort back, I wish I could call out racism when it happens. Not swear, not curse, but show that I’m not inferior, and I have as much wisdom as they do. Maybe one day I’ll grow up!