Panic in the Night

Two nights ago, I kept waking up because of severe pain. We’ve now moved me to a full Trepiline tablet at night. It helps pain a bit, but more importantly, helps with sleep so you sleep through the pain..hopefully. But I’d taken only half and my body was in big trouble.

I had taken my oldest daughter far away from home to go do the first of three sessions of exam preparation for her Biology practicals. And, as most of us know, the pain from too much activity or sitting, rises AFTER the event. And so it did.

I woke up and was suddenly in a panic. “I’ve not been on any treatment even after diagnosis, basically! I’m doomed! The pain is because my joints are fusing right now as I lie here!! I’m going to wake up walking like a mummy.” (It didn’t occur to me that mummies don’t walk!) “Should I go to the fridge and just inject the Enbrel in there? After all, we can’t just leave it unused!”

Sanity prevailed. Why would I jeopardise my life when I have an operation coming up tomorrow? Why would I dare reduce my chances of fighting any potential infection or slow down my healing? Would I be so dumb?

I wasn’t. But those injections keep calling my name every time I open the fridge. They are a huge temptation. Moreso because I don’t have approval for the medication we are hoping to start. Half a loaf is better than none, right? So I might as well use what I’ve got than nothing, right?

And then there will probably be elbow surgery too. Long, long wait. So I patiently wait for the certificate from the panel of rheumatologists allowing me to start taking the new treatment, and approval from the medical aid to pay their very low percentage.

It IS scary, feeling the disease progress. But it would be scarier knowing that I’ve put myself in harm’s way by injecting myself when I have high risk situations happening soon. So…I close my fridge door and hope for the best.

Oh yes, I did my bilateral SI joint “infiltration” last Friday. The intact so far has not been felt. Well, not the positive impact. I’m lying in bed and the pain is already there at 7:04am. I tried working out earlier on but was too stiff so will try later.

After a bad night, I’m sleepy now. But my kiddies wake up (the twins) in 3 minutes and counting! I must set my alarm for 2am tomorrow to take my pain tablets before my fast for surgery. I hope it vibrates and I hope they are effective for those horrible hospital beds.

One way to find out!