Call Me “The God Mother”

She’s just performed a Lazarus on her older siblings.

So, I’d noticed and smiled when every time I take a walk with the little ones-not very common or daily because of pain and fatigue-my Nālo always mentions God. We walk past a church with a cross on it, she will exclaim, “Jesus died on the cross for us! He loves us!” We walk on grass, walk past flowers and trees, “God created these!” She will yell. Always talks enthusiastically about God, always. I thought it was cute.

Two days ago, my nine year old, Amarissa, heard her and commented, “I wonder why when you walk with us, she always talks about God and Jesus! Only when YOU come!”

Then I thought it was cute and funny!

Call me The God Mother. That’s Who she thinks about when she thinks of me!

And that is also, “perfectly ok!”🥰😃

I also loved this. My girl is so full of contradictions. The other day during a rough episode, she pulled my hair so hard that I felt some pulling out my scalp.

But she also is so calm when she’s calm. She came and decided to get her babies and toys and comforter to lie down on the sofa. Randomly! When I got home from my parking disc errand, I found her there. I got close to say hello and she ever so gently took my hand and pushed me away.

At least ONE of us is able to say, “Give me space!” Mom guilt doesn’t allow me when I want it!

Last night, I was alone with the twins while the teens went to look for gas for our stove and heaters as all our spare gas canisters are empty. None to be found in our area. The twins both sleep in diapers (one is always in a diaper) and a sleep sack, so I got the fright of my life when I heard sudden loud clicking and then flushing. Our little Pharaoh had unzipped herself, and used the loo and out her diaper on perfectly! While I was checking and confirming, her dad phoned so I asked if she wanted to talk to him. (Yes, I’m more ‘single’ mom than ‘married and husband home every evening’ mom than I thought I’d be.)

She smiled so big and said, “How are you..? I’m so happy! I love you! I love you SOOOOO much! And..I like the bread mommy just gave me and..and.I like my Pharaoh hat!” She finished quickly and with many giggles 🤣🥰 Motherhood has sweet, funny little moments.

(Been up since 1am. It’s 3:48am. Might as well blog while hoping the pain tablets start working. As I said in a video I’m yet to post, while I share the sweet mommy moments, AS undergirds every single moment of my stupid life. And so…I got my handicapped/disabled parking disc yesterday. I talk about my feelings and those of my friend who commanded me 😉 not to mention her on YouTube, in the video so I won’t share it here. Suffice to say, I’d prefer many more of the moments above and fewer AS intrusions. I’ve paid for my next injection which I’m due to take on the 6th, waiting to hear how I’ll receive it because with AICF funding it, they have an account with the Biologics Department of Dis Chem (my pharmacy). They’re separate to my normal walk-in pharmacy.

Last month, I paid the R5400 I must pay for this biologic each month, before finding out three days later, that AICF had agreed to fund R1800 of the R5400, so they sent the amount to the local pharmacy I’d ordered my first injection from and I had to go collect the refund then to organise the next injections, email the Biologics people directly from now till October when Discovery stops partially funding the other part of the total monthly R8128.49 cost of the injection. AICF only pays their amount for the duration your medical aid has agreed to fund for. Not sure why, given when they stop funding we’ll have a terrible cost. Bye, bye house fund! Goodbye special needs school fees.

Also not sure how the injection will get to me. Direct delivery? Or sent to my local pharmacy? I asked when I sent in the email to place my order, but was only told to pay then they’d send it.. somewhere. I hate it when people don’t respond to a direct question. This IS my life. My money. My health so surely I deserve the courtesy of knowing how this works?

Oh well!

I can now park closer to store entrances, closer to my pharmacy entrance, hospital -very useful with my not very controllable, and very heavy non-talker, and closer to any other place that has disabled parking. Less painful limping to endure. Less breathlessness as I carry even just two packs of diapers from the store to the car. Better.

And so, the God Mother will leave this there. Sweet moments and mystery biologic delivery, and the positive side of the parking disc.

Good morning and signing off! Yesterday I slept from 5am to 6am after waking at 1:20am but I’d ended up taking a sleeping tablet at 4am. I guess I’ll have to try that. Cos the pain is just not going.)

Thankful for the happy moments that give me brief breaks from feeling. The giggles really help in that moment.

Grateful God Mother REALLY signing off now.