I Want to be Him

Christ saw Nathanael before He saw Him. Christ knew Nathanael and knew his heart. More importantly, what He knew, was perfection. A committed Jew who had no guilt. No artifice, no hypocrisy. A true and good man.

I want to be known by Christ for being good. I hope He is looking at the angels and telling them I’m a good and noble Christian woman.

I hope I am. And I hope I remain one till the day I die. I hope He sees my passion for Him. I hope He knows how deeply I love Him and how I wish others did too. I hope He marks how, like Job, I’ve not sinned despite the awful life I have. I keep mentioning the rheumatologist upon hearing of the challenges my children have and knowing I’m their only teacher, knowing how bad I am, asking, “Why did God do this to you?”

And my reply, “I guess..why not? It’s just how life goes.”

I hope He tells the angels, “In all this, Thandi sinned not.”

I hope my heart is true.