Zech 13:9

Many are called, but few are chosen. Few allow the fire to refine them, to purify them and to try them. Are we surprised?

Suffering is something most of us will flee from. Doing what suits us is what makes most sense. What makes me happy is surely indeed what will make me happy- for now. Who cares about eternity? “Eat, drink, be merry, for tomorrow we die” is a philosophy most take to heart.

It is easy to live an easy life. No sacrifices required. No forgetting self in order to serve the other. No swimming upstream while other fish glide comfortably down. No stress. No need to change the heart I’ve been born with. No need for the purifying, refining fire.

But, that’s not the path I chose. Even as a child, I knew I wanted to be like Jesus. I wanted to love Him and when I turned 17, just wanted to live for Him. But what a journey it’s been. I can’t think of any aspect that is going smoothly. My body is fighting me day and night. The fatigue is so overwhelming that I want to cry when I have to teach. The teens- only one passed all final exams-so now I’m busy printing Computer Science stuff for the tutor and he. Educating my special kids is taxing and difficult. You’re constantly researching and reading too when you get a bit of time to yourself. Or you’re recording and then editing videos for the children.

This path of loneliness, of having my encouragers living far away from me either by marrying outside the country, or just because of distance, is lonely indeed. I would sink under the burden of being caregiver every single day. I’d have long found a way to disappear had it not been for Grace.

Living it with grace is what will help me turn out like gold. And so, though I can’t handle it, I submit. “Not my will but Thine.”

I want to be the third that will say the Lord is my God. I want Him to say that I’m His. So, I wait. I pray I remain malleable under all circumstances and that someone will be blessed by my presence, words, acts.