Broken Dreams and Torn Cupcake Liners

I used to bake. From when I was 13, I baked. Sometimes my dad and I would bake at the same time. I’d bake chocolate cake and he’d make muffins. He was the one in the family who made idombolo (Traditional S African steamed bread made in a large pot of water.)

I baked when I’d go home on weekends. I baked when I went vegan. I baked gluten-free when my gastroenterologist pointed that gluten is a huge IBS trigger. I baked for my oldest two.

But then AS progressed – as it does- and I couldn’t bake anymore. Not often and not without having to rest and then sometimes forgetting there’s something in the oven because I’m now working on something and it burning.

I had hopes. I truly believed Rinvoq would revive me. I thought I’d be able to handle laundry like it’s nothing. But wow, i feel like collapsing after just one load hung or brought down, and my arms don’t want to be raised for long. I can’t be the mother and worker I wanted to be. Also, I thought I’d be able to stand and bake. Instead, I don’t even make my own IBS-friendly food because I’m in so much pain after cooking for the rest of the family. Rinvoq has not changed my right leg. I can’t even do might walking exercise for five minutes. Movement and standing and sitting cause worse pain than ever And so, the cupcake liners I had bought, remain unused.

Unused till today, when Ammy (my ten year old) had decided to raid the kitchen and find unorthodox hair decorations. She found some-the cupcake liners to do something different with their wool I’d put in their hair.

It was a painful trigger. It was a waste buying them. The hope was not fulfilled. So instead of being angry at the wasted money, angry at them being used without permission for something they were not bought for, I held my peace and instead commented on how they should ask before taking people’s possessions , and that it’s very creative.

Hurray for crazy creativity. She should be one of those designers whose clothes when on the runway dazzle ( If you have different tastes to me) but aren’t for normal people.😄

AS keeps stealing from me. But my children have taken a few things back and use them for a different purpose.