Thankful Thursday: Wasn’t That Very SAD?

I did a parent meeting with the new OT I have chosen for our non-speaking twin. I chose her because she has DIR Floortime certification which none of my children’s other team of therapists have. DIR Floortime meets the autistic child where they are (Unlike the abusive ABA therapy) and tries to draw them out using what they are interested in. My girl is extremely all over the place so it doesn’t work well with her very limited attention span but also, I don’t have the physical strength to do it. One typical example is one I think I did share. Where you do something over and over, naming it and then stop and that makes them (hopefully) then ask for you to resume. So what I did was lift her up then bring her down. Each time saying, “Up. Down. Up. Down…” and then I waited. She tried to make my hands go round her to lift her but I didn’t do it. Then she tried to jump. And then finally she SAID, “Up!” And I obliged.

With my rheumatologist trying to eliminate ALL lifting in the house, I can’t exactly do that. So I’ll be sending my son to therapy and see how that goes. I asked for him to be allowed to set up a tripod so I see how things go and what I am able to incorporate, and what I can get our part time driver tutor au pair type guy to also do with her.

Look at this below! She is extremely scared of strangers. So none of us are expecting her to last a whole 30 minutes tomorrow but anyway…She usually takes me and pulls me to the car, then I tell her that “ Uncle will drive her.” But one day she pulled HIM. She even pulled him to the kitchen to hunt for something to eat!! As with every other ‘sign of progress’ she doesn’t carry on. And that’s what breaks me. She doesn’t keep it up. She said her twin’s name once in a while but she hasn’t said it lately at all. I just feel so helpless! But wow, the only people she pulls are myself and sometimes her siblings. This is the first adult (male) she has ever trusted enough to help her achieve her goals! She can tell he has a tender heart. And I like that he talks to her. Remember the domestic worker who didn’t last more than a day because she treated her like an inanimate object? Walking past her like she doesn’t exist? Walking behind her like she’s a cupboard? Ignoring her? They might not answer, but they feel.

During the meeting to plan therapy for her, I had to go through the entire history from pregnancy onwards. I had to recall how she used to laugh with us, laugh at us, play with us, counted on command, smiled at us, had started saying Mommy and then bam… It all went away. No more cuddles, no more Mommy, no more touch, no more laughing, no talking. The OT asked, “Oh my goodness. Wasn’t that very sad?? I can’t imagine the pain.”

I don’t WANT to go back to the sadness! I do miss my daughter. But we were there to talk about now, not for me to feel too deeply otherwise I’d have just collapsed into a ball of pain that I’d not be able to get myself out of. And I can’t afford to grieve. I have to be their super star. Single moms know that feeling. My husband will agree they need therapy, but I am the one who looks. I’m the one who tries to find affordable schools or just ANY therapeutic schools. I can’t afford to fall apart. To feel. To mourn any aspect that is broken. And I’m sure reading through the lines you can tell that nothing is going right at the moment in much of my life- thank God, not all of it.

After suffering to go up and down the stairs, my leg so weak that I had to hold onto the wall so as not to fall, she has offered to do the feedback session via Zoom or meet at a coffee shop. Aww! I’m thankful for the thought.

This is the other thing I’m thankful for. A teaching assistant and student and wife and worker who is taking time to help me. I don’t have firm plans for Twin B and her high school education. I don’t know if she will manage Cambridge. And I don’t like the American High School Diploma option. It’s just too complex with its many subjects that are so not related to anything we have done. and not every single institution of higher learning accepts it. So I’m seriously considering the South African curriculum. And with that, as a second language I could choose to teach isiXhosa or Afrikaans (Which I got A+ for in Matric), with Cambridge and us being in the Western Cape, the only SA second language they examine is Afrikaans.

By receiving these books, I get a glimpse and see what I can tailor for us. I just don’t know how independent homeschool parents like me make it work. All the people I’ve seen who are homeschooling using our national curriculum aren’t doing the work themselves, they’re using an online school. I still want the freedom to make up my timetable. Footprints on our Land is a SA history, geography, science curriculum for the young. But it’s not complete. I bought it for the history and science so the children learn our ‘social studies’ and not only the American stuff from our main curriculum.

This helps me. I’ve started teaching Afrikaans mainly because there are so many resources for it. Many books, YouTube videos, posters, tutors. And it’s a language I was familiar with. So it is relevant with both curricula! I’m thankful for people who take time and data to download resources for me.

I do this alone- the curriculum researching and picking. No sharing of thoughts, no comparing with a partner… This helps me feel not alone. I shared recently how at exactly 8pm, their dad would get into the bedroom where I’m marking exams (and if I’m not marking, I’m preparing lessons after a full and busy day), and turn the light off while I’m marking. Exam papers. For our children. It can’t get any much lonelier than that, this ‘homeschooling while sick’ journey.

So yes, every positive, every bit of partnership is extremely appreciated and so I come to the last thing I’ll mention. The ear I’ve bent regarding my oldest son and his education. I felt battered and bruised and alone. But now I have people who understood what I’d wanted and have seen the fruits of it not being agreed with, and support me with righteous indignation.

It takes a village. I am so thankful I have one.

And one last thing. The twin connection. Our non speaking girl, when she used to call anyone, would mostly say, “Naynay” her twin. Or, “It’s Naynay.” One thing she does lately, is sit close to Naynay. It’s new and sweet. She doesn’t talk to her, look at her, but she sits on the arm of the chair she’s on and enjoys being close to her. So different to when she couldn’t give two hoots where her twin was.

And so, the connection is mutual. My girls, who can write, have had a diary for over two weeks. The only entry in Naynay’s diary?

Her twin’s nickname. And she made sure I noticed – when I told her how sweet that was when I opened it and saw- that she put a diamond around the R and a heart for the o.

Love. I am thankful for love in its various manifestations.