Remember When He Almost Killed Me?

Yesterday was the first ever visit to the dentist for Twin A. The others have been, but I’ve always taken them one at a time and sat inside with them as has our helper once also gone in with Amarissa. There was a dentist who was recommended by Google as being great with autistic children but when I asked the children’s father to take Twin B, they didn’t even understand that she would need to sit on his lap as they were brand new to her and They didn’t expect her extreme anxiety and fear! Insisted she sit alone and even with us she barely opens her mouth! They also kept them waiting AGES which made our Twin B even MORE anxious and stressed.

So, scrap that for now. After all, I’d only sent her in because I wanted to be sure she wasn’t angry because of tooth pain. They allegedly did check and she had no cavities. Couldn’t even start cleanings And this now, is another reason why I had sent her with her father who is allowed to lift her while I’m not.

So, I decided to write in a community group, asking if anyone knew of dentists who really are neurodivergent-friendly. I got a few recommendations. One is a block away from us and I see his rooms often. I even recalled my husband had seen him. He didn’t remember. He said he didn’t ever see him. I told him I’m sure he’d been. And yep, he’d gone to him in 2010. One thing I know is my memory isn’t that bad after all! (Remember how I thought I was having the beginnings of dementia when the brain fog and menopause brain had kicked in? I am happy to report that the brain fog has reduced in intensity! It was scary! Not knowing where I’d placed something, never recalling what I’d wanted to say, putting things in the wrong place and only realising later when I or someone else finds it there…)

But, their father said he wants to go to the dentist we used before as he knows them. The one he saw when he purposely almost got me killed and bust up my tyre badly so it was undriveable . Remember that? When they told him to take the sedative for a procedure once he’s waiting in their waiting room but he thought he knows better than the experts? The time I got into my car with him as I’d need to drive him back sedated and I asked if he had remembered to bring the sedative along and he then told me as he drove, that he’d already taken it? When I then told him to stop driving and get out so I can drive but he refused?

I remember the fear as he laughed at me. “I’m not getting out! Are you scared?” and laughed. I panicked. There was no red traffic light. His whole demeanour changed and he became the person he truly is. His character appeared. And it was frightening. It was like I was being driven by the devil. I kept yelling at him to stop the car so I can at least get out! He refused and sped up instead, laughing at me . He started weaving in and out the lane, making me worry he’d smash into other motorists, going faster and faster. He ran a red light and I was so scared traffic that was allowed to come would smash into us but at the same time, it would have stopped him.

He then drove to the edge of the road over the yellow line where there’s a Vlei (body of water) and thankfully, eventually drove where there is a safety barrier. So he scraped my car on it as he drove in the edge of the road. I just heard scrape, scrape, scrape as he kept driving. I was so scared as we approached a curve where there’s no barrier to keep the car from rolling over but he kept going. No stopping. I phoned the police to try get them to form a blockade to force the car to stop by smashing into them but we were now close to the dentist anyway. He kept smashing the front tyre into the pavement, drove wide and across the lanes onto a centre MyCiti bus lane then back again over the bus lane kerb and went SMASH, HARD, into the pavement. Tyre burst funny and rim damaged. That small pause helped a I jumped out the moving car as he turned the steering wheel to go on to the dentist.

The pain in my legs from jumping out the moving car was horrible. A man could tell I was in distress but he kept walking after asking if I’m ok and I told him no. My car was damaged, my legs sore because of sheer arrogance! He did go into the complex and parked wrong. He opened the door and like an extremely drunk man, sat but couldn’t sit so he was bent over at the waist then swaying backwards like he was going to fall as I limped to the parking lot and watched through the see through fence.

I couldn’t lift him. He couldn’t walk without support. So I had to go in to the dentist and ask the ladies to help me get him in. Given his flirtatious nature, I was terrified he’d say something inappropriate to the ladies as we supported his heavy weight in the elevator up to the floor their rooms were on.

I went back down but I had no tool to remove the lug nuts. The sellers had not left it with the wheel jack etc. I had to call my insurance emergency line, they said their lug nut guy wasn’t working as it was a weekend so would search around for someone and gave me numbers for a place nearby but it was closed. I had to ask church friends and hope they’d not gone to church, (They had not.) if perhaps their Audi had the same ‘key’ but when they came, it was not a match. Finally, Audi found a guy who had master keys for all types of nuts and he came.

I had even asked my oldest brother who owns an Audi. Plus I just needed someone. I was now traumatized guys. I’ve never had someone just ramming me into barriers and laughing as I pleaded to be let out. It was terrifying and the damage was so bad and deep into the side of my car that my brother was angry.

Later, the dentist said they’d not even imagined how senseless he’d be because I had looked so calm. But I did not feel it at all. My husband could have killed me. All because of narcissism that tells them they know better. I wonder if he ever told his floozy about THAT.

So..those dentists are the ones he wanted to take the children to. Despite my saying the one a block away knew neurodivergence so he’d be better. I couldn’t get hold of his choice on Dec 7. Their WhatsApp line didn’t work. I phoned, no answer. Eventually last week the children’s father phoned them while he was in Johannesburg and no, he didn’t make an appointment like he’d wanted -having all three talking children going on the same day- he told them to phone me to make an appointment for him to take the children and have his teeth cleaned. What??? Am I an unpaid PA? It was his choice dentist, his choice to take the three all at once and he is ordering people to phone me!??

(I’m sharing this because the elders at my church have known for years about the emotional and financial abuse but did nothing except encourage him by asking him to preach and teach. And they have known since October 16 about the extramarital relationship and have done jack all. Literally. They haven’t asked how I am, how he’s treating me after I exposed him to them, nothing. Not a single church leader has cared. So I now will speak the truth for myself on my own. Nobody standing up for me against his abuse and infidelity nor against the elders’ allowing it and encouraging it and the arrogant ego that almost got me killed.)

So those poor people phoned me and I set up an appointment for yesterday. And guess what. For all his insistence that he’d rather go further away because he knew them, turns out the old dentists he knew are gone anyway. It’s some new guy.

My children came back after their appointment yesterday. It was Twin A’s first ever dentist visit, remember. They all have ADHD and autism and our girl who isn’t diagnosed yet seriously does show autism and PDA like the neuro paed suspects. But it could be mood disorder etc etc! But readers, he left all three children alone with the dentist and went out to do who knows what. Or talk to who knows who.

Never would I ever do that. I don’t think any true parent would! Micaiah sat the wrong way round on a chair and spun around and around while the dentist worked on one child. Twin A was, in her 11 year old sister’s words, “So nervoused!” I felt so bad that my poor child was scared and had no parent with her. But, she also was dancing around and purposefully making Ammy laugh while the dentist cleaned her teeth! It was ADHD central. Anxiety and fear made them even worse! I feel sorry for the poor dentist!

And why was our girl nervous? She thought the dentist would say she needs braces and that she’d get them. She had not expressed the fear and if she had, I’d have told her it’s not the dentist who does braces! 🥹During the weekend, we’d mentioned how one dentist I had taken Ammy to had said she will need braces, we had spoken of their big sister’s horrible brace experience, and somehow she took that to mean all dentists say you need braces..and then somehow believed she would get a set. Poor baby!

The first thing she yelled when she came in was, “I didn’t get braces!!”

I will warn every one I can. Run away from narcissistic men. They want children to give the illusion of being great fathers, but they don’t want to parent them.

Twin A asked if she could read a book about sloths on Sabbath afternoon. I said yes, it’s Creation, so she could learn. She took her tablet down to where her pool floatie was so she and the floatie could read together.

“Look at its claws, Mommy!”

So I told her to look at then the claws.

Reminds me of the damage Twin B inflicts on us in her anger.

My contact lens in my eye is sitting funny! My poor girl, Ammy, has a welt like this on her hand. The sting takes ages to go away.

I love my children. I will be even more of a single mom to them than I already am. Never again will I allow them to be with a strange, new, dentist alone. I’ll ask Big Bro to take one at a time for me or if our helper is around, her. (Seeing as driving and sitting are not good for me.) And somehow I need to stop Twin B from growing so she doesn’t become even stronger. Only one of these is possible.

In the meantime, I’ll enjoy how their brains work. Like when Twin B got out the water to go to the kitchen to get a wooden spoon to pretend she was rowing a boat. For a few seconds.