She Loves Them

Man, it’s been horrible for the past few days. Once again after a trip to the Aquarium, the children started dropping like flies. Do parents take their sick children there? How come shopping trips don’t do this??😭

They went on Sabbath morning at the request of Twin A. The first one to exhibit symptoms was Ms Ammy, above. After a long Sunday of us acting normally, she told us she’d had a sore throat the entire day. Ack! Why hadn’t she told us? I’d have tried to keep them apart from then on! When I told her I’d have to medicate her, give her lozenges for her throat, she said she actually felt fine “now.”

Alas, by the next morning, she was worse and her brother had joined in. Both were weak and miserable. So when T, their special needs aide and driver came for the morning shift, I asked him to rather do some school with Twin A and then watch over Twin B. See, I have a long story and maybe it’s time to tell it!

Segue into another topic…

Our first son was on a good path academically. I knew his strengths and I knew which subjects would work well for him to get his university exemption. But his father told him to choose a subject combination I knew was bad and I’d said should NOT be taken. Needless to say, I was right. And from now on, I will step up and protest like I did when I told the father that he had messed up. Of course there was no apology, he told me to ignore the past! So now, his options are limited because he only got a technical school/vocational school certification which only allows for higher certificates at private universities. He can’t even study a diploma.

Last year, he messed around. Wasted time. Played online games, was on Twitch, Reddit, many different personas for one website! It was creepy and a big waste of money. There are no bursaries for private universities so we have to pay for both children. But he did nothing except pass ONE subject. So he came home.

He’s been home since July. Our aide has been working half days Monday-Thursday and our son has been ‘working’ the afternoon shift. But now he’s chosen his own certificate and will be starting again on February 16th. Big sister is going back to university second year in February 1.

It’s time that our very busy Twin B, who walks around like every 4 seconds all day long, to get used to T being her aide as big brother won’t be around anymore. With her intellectual disability, she can’t tell what’s dangerous to do so she needs to be trailed around all day long! For someone with AS, it’s not something my doctor would ever approve of so we had to get T to stay longer and Mon-Fri now.

With the ones he does vision therapy and Maths with, sick, I asked him to teach Twin A and do the special needs aide thing with Twin B. Thankfully she was more rested so he was able to just watch her. Twin A wasn’t interested in that though. 😅So I did a bit of school while she then went to him.

See, legally, homeschooling is when the parent or grandparent educates the child like 97% of the time in their own home. No online school, no full time tutor. With our son being highly unlikely to have a job or finish anything academic, I decided T will be his full time tutor anyway. Special needs will be my go to should the government ever have an issue with that! And then I teach Amarissa everything else except Maths which she does with T. And I teach N everything. And she wanted the everything as that’s her routine! She is autistic you know!😉

Then we started worrying about her twin. We gave her meds on Monday and hoped her runny nose was her allergies talking but also gave her pain meds in case she too was in pain like her sick sister and brother.

Vi came in yesterday – I’d asked T not to come as I didn’t want him passing the virus on to his heavily pregnant wife- and man, she loves my children!

She checked on the sleeping two who were still miserable yesterday as they’d been on Monday when they slept all day. And it hit me that their father never does that. He just goes past their closed doors and leaves for work. When he comes home, he doesn’t ask how everyone is and if anyone else has caught the bug. She really loves them because she is their second mother. I say so because she said, “Let me go see my daughter” when she came to work yesterday and that really really touched me. And then, she made it even more emotional.

She commented that when your child is sick, you too are sick. You stress and feel horrible for them and helpless and anxious. Exactly! I even forget how sick I am because I’m worrying so much over them! I’m thankful too to their aunty who asks me how they are via WhatsApp. I can’t relax anyway because of the kind of challenges the children have, so to add sickness to children who become overwhelmed already by normal life is awful. I just want to take it away from them and I can’t think straight. I just want them better!

We also were lamenting how Twin B might be also dealing with the sore throat that began the descent into sickness, but can’t tell us. On Monday she was so angry so suddenly that Twin A came running huffing and puffing breathlessly to escape her as she again attacked her siblings and tried to smash the TV down onto the hard tiles. She told me she was running away to get safe. Man, I hate autism!

Later that afternoon, she asked me if we couldn’t swop her twin for a better one. 😭💔 She asked if we can’t give her to someone and then we get her a sister “who doesn’t scratch people.” If she had long hair she’d also know the pain of it being pulled out by the roots and your neck snapping backwards as she pulls on your ponytail.🥹

But by the evening, all was forgiven.

She thought it was sweet that her twin sat at her feet. Close. As close as her autism allows.

And yesterday morning, she followed her wondering twin to my bedroom. “Look! We are here together! I’m following her so she stays safe!” 🥹❤️

Is this what Karen my foreign also abused friend says she loves in me? Is this the strength she’s talking about? To not fall apart when life is so painful? I haven’t asked her. But she has said words to that effect. And it is a blessing. I have just felt so alone and unseen in this special needs life for so long!

And that is why having Vi also as miserable as I am has been great. Imagine all day knowing you left sick children with a wife who must not get sick but you never check on them all day! Then SA insists on visitation with such fathers after divorce when they couldn’t even truly father when they had your support! Very unfair to the neglected children. This is the stuff that makes women stay. At least if the children are always with you 24/7, you can be their safe space. The older one who can choose, said they’d only want one day a month visitation. And not 24 hours. Just a visit during the day and then come home to me.

When we divorce, will the court agree that I’m the only safe parent? They force shared visits here. As in, if this year they have a birthday with me, next year it must be with the father. A father who never celebrates them!? A father who has never bought a gift!? Not even a card? And is never interested enough to even ask what the card and gifts I bought his children, are!??

That is not love. Love is asking how they are. Love is T hoping they will get well soon when I tell him to not come yet. Love is the WhatsApp message asking how they are now and remembering the other issue…

Possible autoimmune disease for our 10 year old son due to an eye infection that also saw us notice nodules in his eyes. One nodule has grown so big we don’t even need the optometrist’s machines to see it. The combination is either due to a low immune system disease or autoimmune disease. Or just random. But my one friend knows I was concerned about his blood tests last year. Something was off with a lot of numbers that the paed ignored. Lots of “H” for high, and “L” for low, warnings in his full blood count. But he was only focusing on his low iron. Now I wish I had taken him to a haematologist to discuss the full results.

So yes, folk. Those of us who love the children are worried about their virus and about my boy’s eyes. Both red and worrying. I am grateful for the care the children have from those who have given them the attention they should be getting from their father. It means a lot. We can share the worry over the coughing that has disturbed my night which means Twin B is going to be even more miserable and dysregulated. We can be sad that Twin A is sick. She came to me multiple times last night late into the night, complaining of her blocked nose. At 3am today, she was up. And at 4am she came, couldn’t sleep again as her throat is too sore. Aashhh.

But after this closeness, would you be surprised? She kindly suddenly decided to play her sick twin’s favourite song on the Kahn Kids Academy app and her twin came very close to her after I’d managed to keep the others a bit far away.

During the holidays, they even wanted to phone T! They’ve never wanted to phone their father when he’s been away. They don’t hug him daily like they hug Vi twice a day especially when she’s leaving and they are sad. My Twin A even wanted me to get her to sleep over! But we don’t have beds! I would! It is so relaxing to know I can rest my sore body and she will watch them in the evenings. Alas, no space!

As for me… I’ll have to continue wearing my mask and hope the children get well soon and we get an answer to the eyes and their inflammation and nodules.

I’ve been up since 3am and it’s now 5:17am. Before that, my ooor girl’s coughing was disturbing me. I don’t have the mental ability to edit. I’m so sleepy and nauseous – medication side effect. Chat to you soon!