Makes Sense

I’ve always been clear that I didn’t think any of my four children would manage to get and keep a job. Our gifted one has sever PDA. They struggle to keep jobs because they don’t understand what it means to be the employee vs the employer. They want to make the rules and are very bossy. That’s her and Amarissa. What kind of job would allow you to treat your senior like a junior? And to argue with them as if they are arguing in a debate and not an employer telling the subordinate what to do. Also, they hate being told what to do. It raises their anxiety levels.

Then I heard of a real live case. The children’s father’s old boss’s son. The guy is level one autistic and is over 30 years old. The level one that makes many people assume the impact of autism is ‘easier’ to nonexistent on the autistic. He finished his university studies just fine. But he cannot keep a job. His mother bought him a flat because he’s too hard to live with. He’s level one, so he can complete all his self care needs on his own.

What he cannot do is make exceptions, and change who he is for the sake of fitting in. He told interviewers he is about to be honest because his mother told him to just tell the truth. That little disclaimer puts interviewers off already. Don’t ask me why. I think it’s cute!

But where problems really come in, they are not solvable. He joins the company and familiarizes himself with the HR policies and rules. He reads everything! As soon as someone, even if it’s the CEO, deviates from the ‘script,’ he gets very angry. We know autistics need order and predictability. His world made sense after getting to know how the company works, till it doesn’t work like it should. Besides arguing with everyone and firing off emails about their breaching of their code of conduct, he also decides he will not return to a dishonest company that doesn’t practice what it preaches.

How do you fix that!?

Can you fight against his strongly ingrained sense of principle and integrity? I wouldn’t want to unless it’s where he maybe misread or misunderstood. His rants that he verbalises to colleague or boss are what I’d expect from the three children one day. They desire predictability and I can imagine my Naynay taking ages to read the documents and then seeing the opposite and definitely reacting… She wouldn’t manage an anxiety provoking reality that is against stated guidelines. 🤔It sounded funny to hear, but not when imagining his frustration with all the ‘dishonest’ companies and the impact on parents who assumed they’d have an independent adult son one day. They have other children who are fine.

For now, I try manage the expectations my children have of their futures. When one says he will become a doctor when older, I warn them about other autistic adults who can’t be doctors, can’t drive and hate that they rely on their mothers (I love the internet!).. and that either way, no matter what they can it cannot do, we will make a plan for them somehow. (Even if it’s just the social meetings that I’ve seen advertised for youths and adults with autism.)

For now, I deal with my poor girl finding joy in Maths and unable to understand why her siblings cannot do Maths at all. She tells them she’s going to play with them, and pulls her Maths flashcards out🤭! “Ok, Micaiah, what’s 6+4?”

“Eight?” He asks.

Of course not. She doesn’t even need to read the back of the cards to know the answers. Some are 9+6, 8+4.So she got their toy cash register and told him it would help him do Maths.🥰She just cannot understand or internalise it when I tell her they can’t do Maths and will never be able to do it the way she already can. I ended up telling her that they haven’t done 15+16 yet when she asked my poor boy and she was shocked, “They haven’t!?” Except, neither have we in our Maths lessons together😅. It’s all in her own head. Amarissa asks me how she knows all these difficult sums. And she truly wants to know the ‘how.’ I can’t explain properly. I just tell her it’s her strength. By the way, Ammy’s now able to remember that 2+3 is five! We have forward movement.