She laments when sickness comes twice to visit the children and she lamented yesterday despite her own sickness. She’s one of those who has internalised how horrible life is for neurodivergent, sensory sensitive people anyway, without adding the extra sensations that come with being unwell. I appreciate that!
First, our non verbal baby girl has been unwell since December and hasn’t gone back to stable yet. That’s a very long time for a mother to bear an extra worry. Include the hospitalization after multiple Trauma visits and you have a mom who needs a rest for her mind. I wish I could forget my worries about her just for five minutes.
Just as the children were recovering from a very terrible and long lasting flu, their father got sick and passed on a different kind of flu. Lots of malaise, cough, nausea, fever and chills. In that state, he insisted on sitting in the car with our non speaker even though I begged him to NOT do so. Our big son would sit with her all day because he has his phone and it saves him from other chores, so can her siblings. But I think he wants to play victim to his floozy -that’s what the psychologist thinks is the reason he sent her confidential assessment of our daughter to the floozy-so he sat ‘with’ her in a normal five seater sedan and she fell ill all over again.
Yesterday, it was her twin’s turn to fall ill.
Micaiah took a blanket and went to lie down with her to keep her company. And they say autistics have no empathy!
But then, he too woke up sick today. while she woke up worse than yesterday. Fever, chills, malaise, coughing. I knew it would be bad when she didn’t come out her bedroom. She is usually the one who wakes up the rest of the children, coming bounding in cheerfully but not as cheerfully for me and my cold feet, wanting a snack to eat. I went to her room an hour and a half after only one child had woken, and she was groaning. That was heart searing. Never should a little child need to groan.
All you see are heads and blankets.
Guys, I only rested at 15:20 today. I’m paying for it big time! I lay down an hour and ten minutes ago for ten minutes but those minutes did nothing. I haven’t felt this much pain in ages! It’s like Satan is squeezing my upper skeleton in a vice and making me feel as cold as if someone poured ice into my swollen bone marrow.
I went out to make myself some tea-first ‘meal’ of the day at 16:20. But then got distracted when I realised it was time for Twin A to get her pain meds. Then the next time, it was time to make a beverage for Twin B. Motherhood never takes a break! But the drinking thing gives me one little positive!
She has drunk properly for the first time in three weeks. She’s still coughing and miserable inside herself so she couldn’t handle the extra sensory stressors (New bird with strange noises in a different room) at OT today, but she drank three proper servings of liquid! Given her bowel issues especially, I am so relieved. You can’t force a strong child to swallow. It’s terrifying watching a child starve or dehydrate. And knowing hospital will see them tearing out drips and tubes like a precious hospitalization. Maybe next week I’ll be able to get more medication into her and try fix her bowel so she doesn’t go to hospital again. A mom can dream! Amarissa also appreciated how amazing it is that she drank!🥹
Big sister is ok in Pretoria, big brother was doing a week of online lectures. They alternate between going to campus vs learning at home. And he is impressed! Remember how he flunked last year because he was playing games, wasting time on Twitch and Reddit day and night? I take his phone at 20:30 and laptop at 21:30. No staying up anymore and being sleepy during the day. I make sure nobody disturbs him during the day and am after him to study when the evening starts.
Also, the lecturers here in Cape Town are also very different to the ones in Pretoria. Pretoria lecturers were awful! Didn’t pitch up after students got there, only spoke for ten minutes of a three hour lecture…Our Cape Town guys are all South African and know what they are doing and how to pronounce words in English. The lecturer for one course warned the children that his subject is difficult so they can contact him via WhatsApp any time if they become lost and confused! The lecturers actually use the lecture time, mark tests fast, keep a record of attendance and are passionate about what they are teaching… And that has motivated my boy too. Guys, he’s turning 21 next month! What will I call him? He’s not a boy anymore!
I’m happy for him.
And Ammy? Miserable and sad. Twin A might as well be her twin, the way she needs her. She even went to the bedroom to read to her but poor little mite couldn’t focus so she stopped. “I don’t care if I also get sick! I miss her!” was her cry when I reminded her not to breathe in the same air coming from her sick sister.
So, she busied herself making this for M plus N (Micaiah and Naynay). Naynay told me, “I think she really wants me to get better! She gave me this!”🥹
I hope for better days for my children. I hope for less pain for myself and more strength and TIME! I’m meant to be working on what I want for divorce maintenance but he has always done all the insurance applications, he pays the eldest two children’s fees, buys them textbooks even when they are the wrong ones…How will I get time to study everything I have to do make up something useful for the attorney!?
Hmmm…
They said I should write a book 