I chose to marry. I chose to marry a broken person who pretended he was allowing God to mould him into His character. I did that willingly, naively. I assumed people meant what they said. Especially in the church and on the pulpit! Little did I know that the Pharisees weren’t only in the New Testament. What did Jesus say about them? He told the crowd to do what they say and not what they do, because they don’t obey God.
My children didn’t choose their parents, contrary to what an in law believes. (I really need to stop talking to people as if they have sense when they’ve already shown they’re in cloud cuckoo land! I mean, this is the same in law who once said said her spiritual guide spoke to Zelensky and averted the war. Did the guide die? Given there’s been war now for a while?) I made the mistaken of telling her how I regret the father I created a family with because the children had no choice. She claims they were conscious souls who were able to reason and then became babies for the sake of it. No conscious soul would choose abusive parents.
I feel guilty. On Monday, it was a public holiday. As our ten year spotted his father, he said in a disappointed tone, “I forgot it’s holiday so dad’s still here.”
Ouch.
This evening, Amarissa told her little sister that their father won’t have moved out on Sabbath. My little girl’s shoulders slumped, “Oh man…” My heart broke all over again. I asked why she’s sad he won’t be gone yet. She said he’s too cruel and mean and rude. 💔😭 She put on a stern voice, pointed her finger and copied his cold, “Neilo, come on. Hurry up.”
What soul would choose to be fathered by someone so disappointing and depressing?
I told the children their father will be away this night as he’s off to the city his floozy is in. The reply was swift from my dear 11 year old girl, “Good!” Made her eldest brother laugh!
I made this mess for my children. All I can do is try undo it as best I can. And pray God protects the children during visitation.
They said I should write a book 