A New Reader!?

Why!?

I was still thinking of shutting this down! It’s not like I don’t know my regular commenter personally, so I can just ‘blog’ directly to her!

Now I have to say something! But I don’t know why you’re following me. One American girl was here because she’s homeschooling and she was interested in knowing how others do it. But I rarely blog about it. Not that there isn’t much to say. So I might as well say it now!

Our tutor is not tutoring well at all. Lack of good English, and just general what I thought was common sense, mean that I’m not comfortable with him teaching my son. But I literally physically cannot do it all myself. And schools..? You might know that story. I did find an ‘autism school’ in our neighborhood except they don’t have a playground. And it’s two office rooms on the first floor, not ground floor, of a small office park! They have small fake grass in a classroom with desks. It’s all cramped up and not suitable for little children. I mentioned the playground thing and the owner thought I’d be satisfied with them taking the children to a public park three times a week. No way! My son can’t handle children, smells, noise…Imagine him stuck inside a small classroom with everyone doing different things! Not ADHD friendly. Not even neurotypical friendly!

It was one we could -at a push-have afforded. It’s one that accepts non potty trained children. But they don’t want you to send the child’s facilitator with the child. No way I’m trusting my best scared of strangers non verbal angel with .. strangers who don’t even want to get to know her, understand her signals. Not that she should ever lose her facilitator anyway. But if they’d agreed to have him there until she’s settled fully, I’d have taken them seriously as people caring about the children. But really, it’s just to make money. The school work is printed pages, one at a time. Nobody and a workbook, school book…It’s a babysitting service at a high price with poor service.

I am so sorry it’s a blurred picture. But I was sneaking it on our empty road, with rain, as I was pulling in. I wanted to show you so you believe me. Not that I lie, but I know other bloggers who do, so I like to have evidence.

The child in yellow boots is our mostly non verbal baby girl. And the one holding the umbrella is our facilitator. During the week, I asked the children’s father if he could watch the children while I’m at the dentist fixing a tooth crumbled by Sjögren’s disease. He said no, he will be at church all day. My friend had sniffles and a weird chest so we weren’t sure she wasn’t infectious still from her lingering cold.

Now here’s the thing. We’d had an eventful week. We had reduced the antipsychotic my 11 year old is on, even more, to try reduce her appetite and it didn’t go well at all! She got angry over a minor thing and banged her head on the wall hard and for a prolonged time. The siblings -who can reason- got scared and anxious so I told the tutor to take them for a drive. She was crying loudly and it was just too traumatic for them. Remember, both have sound sensitivity. Now add distressing sound and you have very stressed children.

Before he left, the tutor asked if I was sure I’d be ok.

I looked at him and said, “I hope so!” I was scared. I’ve never been scared of her. I didn’t know what she’d do. She was acting demented. Or demon possessed. Or both.

Then she did THIS. And I was petrified. Those few steps were filled with many prayers. She’s never taken a knife in that manner before either. It’s scary how necessary these meds are!! I told her she needed some tea and to put sugar in. They usually have honey and the sugar is for our helper, but I felt like sugar would be better. When she’d been banging her head, I had not been able to get through to her. It’s like she was in a fugue state or dream. But this time, she responded.

And she went to go sit down. And she calmed down enough to even ask me why she reacted so extremely.

It was after I sent her father videos of both. To which he dismissively replied that she’s just copying something from somewhere. Yeah, and then if she dies? It’s still pathological! After these incidents, knowing my eldest wouldn’t manage all four with their differing wants, alone while I’m at the dentist, is when I asked their sperm donor and adopter, if he would come and watch the children and keep them safe.

And that’s when he said no, he’d be at church all day.

And that didn’t change even after Friday when she cut her hands and smeared the blood around, sucking it and spreading it by blowing on it with a straw. So shocking that even he said I just get her committed.

And so that is why our tutor offered to come spend some time on a Saturday, to keep my children safe.