The Lying Leaders

Church elders that think lying is perfectly acceptable. Yet they had the gall to lecture women about how to behave when they told each that lying is not a sin when it’s THEM who are lying.

I speak of the Malawian and the Zimbabwean who told my ex Zimbo that he’s the “best” man possible out there. This, after he’d lied and lied and has an identity built on lies. But then again, can people in a country illegally have any moral backbone? Maybe in THEIR countries they have no men who keep their word. But I sure know we have such men in my country.

And so, the lies that began on this day 10 years ago, on my son’s first birthday.

I typed this text to the ex but didn’t send it because he doesn’t know what remorse means and he’s very good at reminding me that he has no heart. Just yesterday he made it clear that my daughter’s outbursts that see her caring doctors and I trying to save her, are against his will and so he won’t work with us. You know why? Because his ego would have to admit that not everybody likes him.

And so, our poor child who is broken that divorce doesn’t mean freedom from seeing him, lashes out into the uncaring void. Her only safe person, a very tired and sick and sad mother. If she, or I , or her sibling ever gets injured or dies, it will be his fault for not taking a break from forcing himself on a family that doesn’t miss him.

There’s nothing as painful as not being able to help your suffering child. I know those who have beloved nieces can relate too, not just us parents.

Where was I?

The text I’ll never send.

September 24, 2016, a faithful wife called her husband as he traveled to India. He was in Johannesburg, far away from his family. The previous night, there had been a break in and burglary, but he’d left the family happily-clearly uncaring, not showing any worry about their safety.

Saturday afternoon, September 24, a woman answered the phone when the wife called her husband. He lied to her when she told him “someone has your phone.” He lied and told her, “It’s in my laptop bag.” She told him frantically, still the faithful wife, now worried that he was acting out of character, not heeding her very sure assertion, “No, a woman has your phone!” He called her a liar. Telling her his phone was with him. That was the first time the wife found out that her husband was a liar. Why was he not even looking for the phone? Why was he telling her he was dead sure he had it in a bag when it clearly was not?

Two days later, she found the evidence in their shared album. The damage had been done already. She had already realised he was a liar. The worry she had on August 5, was realised.

When the wife was still a teen girl dating the man, she asked him if he regretted anything. She included his lying to her about having an ex that actually was a current girlfriend whose soft lips he missed kissing, as he’d said in a letter to her.

He said no. Nothing he’d done needed to be undone, he didn’t want to change anything he’d done because without doing every single thing, good and bad, he’d not be the man he was.
Why didn’t the girl realise it meant he’d never be able to repent? Sighs of regret, wishing to not have caused pain, are the bedrock of self introspection, humility and contrition. But she didn’t know that when she was 19. She just knew he’d just inflicted more pain on a heart that had never been loved. A heart that didn’t know what love was, and that this -the liar’s version- was hatred, not love. For narcissists do not know how to love. Even though they lie to themselves that they do.

What an anniversary. The death of my ignorance. The realisation of the demon in my house. The collusion of the cabal of male leaders that told him he was perfect with his lying, adulterous, pursuing married women self. A church that doesn’t know the God of purity, sanctity and fidelity.