Oh, the cry and lamentations of great Bible men. It echoes through the ages and finds a lodging place in my own heart. But also, it’s a rhetorical question. The devil rewards his own. That’s why fortune tellers were rich. That’s why all the necromancers God said should be killed existed. They gained from their evil and so continued it. I say it more as a “Really God!? Their time is up! Sort them out!”😅
This is part of a list my ex’s mistress sent to him to edit. He added his comments in red. It’s a list of what she wanted in her divorce from her poor husband. I often wonder what would have happened if the poor man had shot him like he’d said he’d would in 2016.
I know I’d have been a very reluctant witness because I clearly understand why in a theocracy, adultery, found out by two people or more, deserved stoning to death. I’d not have sued the husband for earning lost in some civil suit. It’s what adulterers deserve and will get if they don’t stop.
But he’d have ended up in prison. And that would have been very unfair on him as the innocent party. There are only two who deserve punishment and it’s not the angry man who asked if our church teaches their preachers to be hypocrites.
So here I am. He didn’t get shot and years later, went back -as I told them in my joint email-like a dog to its vomit. And so, a year after luring her away from her family, they were discussing her divorcing the poor man. And I know my ex helped stir the pot and added to whatever complaint she manufactured for him being the bad spouse.
Back in 2016, my ex told me sorrowfully, “Poor Ntsiki. Her husband didn’t collect her from the airport tonight like you collected me. He’s so selfish. He said he has things to do so she had to take an Uber.” Of course I asked what was wrong with that. So what? Many people use Uber. And why SHOULD the man have to put himself out for a course their work had offered them but was not necessary? I myself didn’t want to be driving those dark and dangerous N2 streets at night. But I loved him. And it was cheaper than using Uber like “poor harlot Ntsiki.”
The evil prosper. I asked my ex’s ex sister in law… Let me back up. Once upon a time, there was a wedding in Zimbabwe. A young girl from Botswana was marrying my ex’s brother in Zimbabwe. She doesn’t know it, but the brother was engaged to another girl but the family didn’t like her because they ate Ndebele and she is Shona. My MIL would not have liked to have mixed grandchildren though she always remained friends with the former daughter in law to be. Lobola had even been paid. But brother in law met the Botswana girl and saw that she was an easier victim. She was less sophisticated and knelt to serve him while the Shona one didn’t kneel. And so, he married her after breaking off his engagement.
One day, I heard sister in law had tried to commit suicide. Why? Because my ex brother in law had been unfaithful and she’d found out. The focus was on how she dared do that with their baby in the house.
When I got to meet up with ex SIL, it turned out that after I told her about an Oprah show where a wife caught her husband’s infidelity by going through his mail, she’d done the same..and found the evidence. Never using condom. Many women. Swinging parties.
But the worst part was the MONEY. The generational curse is deep, because both brothers used the same adulterer’s playbook inherited from both unfaithful parents. She was a homemaker. Just like me. Our ex mother in law hated it. She told everyone that we were “finishing” her sons’ money. But it was ok for his mistresses to use even more money than the family he’d built before God.
Where SIL was getting 3000 Kenyan shillings a month, the mistress was being given 30 000 Ksh despite her being employed. He took the wife to a cheap holiday accommodation and took the mistress on the luxury version.
And just like me, her lament was, “I thought I was marrying a godly preacher, but…”
I was heartbroken. I think her family had either come to hear of his unfaithfulness (He pursued one of the mistresses before his wedding, while engaged to Ms Botswana.) or didn’t trust the family background. My MIL had children with three men, one of whom was married and she married to my father in law when conceived. While my father in law was an ex serial philanderer, amassing 26 children from various women. Not the kind of family that will take care of your niece and daughter. So at the last minute, her widowed mother and uncle had withdrawn permission for the wedding. Permission was needed because she was 20 years old and in Botswana the legal age of marriage was 21.
She’d run away. Left Botswana after sneaking away with her passport. They were just having a blessing then waiting a bit as her 21st birthday was a month after the planned wedding date.
Imagine running away and finding out you’d run to a nightmare. She couldn’t go home, they’d tell her they’d tried to warn her! She had no money. No work permit for Kenya. Trapped. Sad. So she tried to go to sleep forever so she could forget what he’d done and the pain disappear. (Her words.)
Eventually he said they should divorce. I’d begged him to get counseling and not break their family up. But it was not to be. And then he did the same to the second wife who divorced him too.
But it was the money. The money is what hurt my first ex sister in law the most. We give a lot of ourselves when we marry for love and for God. We truly thought the men preaching at the pulpit believed what they were saying, and we wanted to be equally yoked with believers. But they were fraudster thieves. And while we wives toiled to support them, they repaid us by giving salaries women what we who worked in their homes deserved.
It is extremely painful to need to buy clothes and be told harshly that there’s no money, and then find out he was giving away way more than enough for triple the amount of clothes. The harlots became rich from their homewrecking. When my sister in law told the husband of one of the women, he then cheated too and she felt guilty for telling him. I wouldn’t have felt guilty. You don’t mess with AIDS and other STD.
It’s extremely painful to be told you can’t afford to send your very challenging children to school to find out there is money, but it’s financing a flat for a mistress and her two sons. I know her pain. It is mine.🥹
I look at what the evil ones can afford as listed above. Schools, multiple au pairs, daycare. A whole LOT of staff to take care of two children, one of whom is at least 12 years old. And the other ten years old. (When they met the first time, she was pregnant with the second one.)
I can’t even afford one au pair. Let alone schools. I never could. I am sick and need them, but I can’t get them. The psycholoist who asked if I’m not going to kill myself knows the weight on the mind.
Helplessness and constant pain, betrayal, and wasting of money on church members, cheating siblings, weird endeavours you’d refused, and mistresses, when you’ve given your all, when even your ex said you’d been an exemplary wife will kill you if you don’t have an Anchor.
If he’d listened to me, I’d not owe much on this house. My children and I would be able to move out and go where there are more resources. We’d have funds for schools. Instead we are paying off a mortgage because he chose to play with over half a million Rand despite my begging it not be done, and without my knowledge of other monies being given away in the tens of thousands like to the church left who said he admires him. How does one not go insane from such terrible injustice and evil?
While her healthy self and his healthy rich self prosper and have leisure time galore, I carry the children as I always have. He lives in silence and peace. He fully gets to be the bachelor he lived as if he was. She gets her salary and my children’s money. She sits on furniture he bought.
And what does he gain? He continues lying to churches acting like he’s still married and is a devoted daddy and worried husband. The image building continues. The accolades and praise, the preaching invitations where he sets himself up as the standard of Christianity keep coming while I search for therapists and make appointments with psychiatrists for broken children. Children we made and adopted together.
I know one reason why the evil prosper.
I also know it won’t be forever. That is what I cling to. Justice will come. All the money stolen from our children will be recompensed. All the heartache will be healed. Three months after the comment was made, Amarissa my 12 year old, finally understood what her father was implying.
Around three months ago, he mentioned needing to repeat his driving license renewal eye test and I reminded him about the optometrist who had said he needs glasses. Today out of the blue, clearly also processing her life under her father, my angel said, “Wait s minute, mommy. If daddy said glasses make you look ugly and he’d rather die than ever wear glasses, does it mean he’s saying YOU are ugly!!!??
I just hope we never let go of the Anchor. We cannot become like the ones we discarded or were discarded by. We need to stay focused on keeping our feet in the narrow way and our eyes lifted up even as we find each wound and bandage it up.
Though I must say, I’ve seen the downfall of two adulterers sooner than the one coming on judgment day. The evil doesn’t always prosper even on a planet where the father of lies is still the prince of darkness.
The elder whose wife cheated on him in 2016 and left him at the same time I was finding out about my cheating spouse prospered for a while. He was prospering when he asked me if I was divorcing so that he could marry me. He was prospering when he confessed he’d beaten his wife often and was a serial adulterer, even sleeping with his wife’s sister. He was prospering when he afforded to rent a large home for her and the children in an expensive suburb while building a large home in Zimbabwe and also affording good accommodation for himself and school fees for his special needs and unaffected sons.
He was prospering when his brothers who knew what he was doing nominated him to become an elder. He was fine financially when they chose for him to bully her at home about not eating meat, nor dressing right from the pulpit and at home while he slept with anyone in a skirt or pants…
I have always objected and called for discipline. Those who see me elsewhere online know I had even asked my ex to have US disciplined for fornication. (Yeah, I was truly a perfect victim for a narcissist. Too willing to be punished even though now I look back and realise that his shaming me for not wanting to even be kissed, pressuring me was coercive control-a crime in the UK.) I’d have done the same for the wife assaulting elder. I hope she one day realises I didn’t know about his cruelty and evil and so wasn’t encouraging him to feel invincible like the knowing members (three families besides the deacon brother and serving elder brother.) if she thought I knew.
And I am glad I didn’t marry him back in 2016. His evil didn’t prosper as long as that of my ex’s. He recently asked my ex for a job.
As I told my friend, “I’d be miserable and starving if I’d married him! At least staying with the known devil made me miserable while eating.” We have to take our silver linings where we can!
Not all the evil ones prosper. Brother in law also became unemployed and apparently unemployable (I don’t know why) so my ex mother in law funded the second marriage that ended with his infidelity.
They don’t always prosper like my ex and his harlot are.
I’d rather be desperate for schools and au pairs in purity and walking in my integrity, than to sell my soul for temporary happiness in cruelty and injustice .🙏🏾
How about you?
I wonder what would happen if I used my real name for this blog. Would she find it and know I cared about her and hated how she’d been treated? Would she ever know that while church Shona women were saying we must pray for her because she was suddenly not acting Christian, I didn’t know her HUSBAND had been cheating for years before yet nobody had prayed he stop?😭💔
They said I should write a book 