Why did he adopt, dear God?

My friend asked today.

My child is a big risk for my little ones. I no longer say “our,” because their father never loved them, and blocked me on email for telling the doctors the truth about his treatment of my 11 year old, and told the eldest two that I was now making decisions for the smaller children.

Also, he hasn’t visited our girl in hospital still. In fact, my girl realized when I put my foot in it, that her father knew exactly where she was and she eagerly asked as all desperate to be loved children would, “He knows I’m here? Has he asked to visit me?”

Nope. Of course not. His fathering is performative.

Today, he told me I divorced him so I don’t get to have a say in his decisions.

But what decision was he referring to?

Denying my child a place to live after she is discharged from hospital.

He had claimed he’d only have a small one bed place and so wouldn’t be able to do visitation in his home. We then agreed to have it at my house.

But nope, he bribed my first daughter to visit him and she came back telling me about his three bedroom house that he kept telling her was bigger than the flat we bought for her and her brother.

Pride is ridiculous. Unless he’s planning on installing a ready made family, of course!

And so, we have my girl who is being discharged this week. She was sent to go sleep on the sofa in the reception area under the nurses’ noses because she was bullying the older teen in her room. Clearly she’s still a menace for the little ones.

I told her father that the social workers and hospital psychologist were wondering where she could go. The first option is an au pair and his place. His childless, three bedroom house.

But he keeps saying no!

And that is what he said I gave up the right to query. Why in the world he’d deny his daughter a place to live!

I reminded him that he didn’t lose parental rights and responsibilities when I divorced him. I told him the next time they ask about him, I’ll give them his number so he can explain why he doesn’t want to accommodate his own daughter while we wait for foster placement.

Of course, he didn’t answer.

Narcissists are foolish. No normal person would think divorce with joint decision making responsibilities and rights would mean you don’t need to explain why you don’t want to be a father.