From ‘Really!? Get a life!’ to ‘Aww, that’s nice!”

When I found out the ex had cheated again and gone back to the slore, I laughed at ‘how married’ I still was, despite him not acting or living as a man that’s married. A Takealot guy flirted with me and I walked out thinking, “Really!? Why would I consider you? I’m MARRIED!”

Then I thought, “How silly are YOU, that your mind is on being a faithful wife while his is on turning faithful wives into unfaithful ones while himself being unfaithful? He doesn’t deserve the loyalty you still give! Dummy!”

I looked at myself here and thought, “It’s true! I do have a nice smile! The homeless lady who said that I brightened her day was right! Maybe I really did! But she was still extreme in yelling for others to turn and look at me!”🙈😆

I have noticed more lingering looks and smiles with delivery men when I smile at them, and it made me realise I’d stopped making eye contact with males as I greeted them and took my parcel. But now suddenly, my brain feels free. Smiling had started to feel like flirting yet I never received any from the ex. Seeing return smiles reminded that if I wanted to, I could get a man and get to know him and REALLY Aflirt! If I wanted to, and if there was a good unmarried man available, there’d be nothing wrong with us communicating because there’s no man I owe loyalty to. I could ‘interview’ men like my friend did.

I could -theoretically -communicate with a man who will say kind words and beam a smile at me instead of him smiling only at strangers and no smile for me-like the ex.

And just the knowledge that I am now free to choose singleness, or not, is liberating. Making eye contact deliberately and seeing the return smile makes me feel good. I can make strangers smile.

I am not broken. He didn’t smile at me because he was the broken one. It was never me.🥹